At last - an explanation for why we call it monkey’s blood
As lockdown eases, my compatriots and I have become reacquainted. On Sunday evening we gathered to discuss the weightier matters of the day.
Well we could have discussed the weightier matters of the day, had we not chosen instead to indulge in a lengthy discourse about why monkey’s blood, as squirted on ice cream cornets, is so-called.
I occasionally attended school and the subject was never alluded to. It has previously been deliberated in historian circles, but all have drawn a blank. However, we debated at length and … so did we. Still, we did produce a theory as to why the name came about; to be revealed at the end.
The sobriquet is confined to a small geographical area. Venture far from Sunderland and it’s unheard of. Visitors can be disconcerted while waiting in the queue at the ice cream van and hearing someone demand the application of monkey’s blood on their 99.
The substance under issue bears the scientific name raspberry sauce. Although under either name it has failed to appear on the periodic table.
Only the flintiest pedant would deem it necessary to point out that neither monkeys nor blood are involved at any stage in its manufacture. But neither are raspberries; and they would be far more ethical.
Debate is heightened because lime sauce is only ever referred to by it’s official title. Think of the wonderfully disgusting alternative names we could use. Food quite literally for thought there.
We should just make up some entirely spurious story as to how the name came about. Something about Julius Caesar employing monkeys in his infantry to defeat Oliver Cromwell at the Battle of Witherwack in 1428.
Something like that anyway. After all, another entirely spurious story about a monkey hasn’t done Hartlepool any harm. Claim monkey’s blood as being of Sunderland origin before a rival beats us to it.
I’ve made enquiries about the origin of the name monkey’s blood, but only flippant explanations were given. It was a similar story with stotties cakes when I was informed that they were thus named due to the stots contained therein.
Anyway, our theory for the name ‘monkey’s blood’ is as follows.
It’s because it’s red.