Handling weight loss chatter
Finally ready to let go of calorie-counting and body shame?
Diet talk can be hard to escape at any time of year, but it’s often ramped up in January, with weight loss and health kicks topping New Year resolutions lists. But what if after years of being caught in a loop of disordered eating, yo-yoing weight and selfesteem, or if you simply no longer want to be part of the world’s obsession with calories and clothes sizes, you’re finally ready to say enough is enough – only to realise not everyone’s on the same page?
Sure, you can unfollow Instagram accounts, block ads and choose which media to consume. But what about the colleague who comments on your lunch and makes sure you know they’re ‘only’ having a tiny salad? What about the friends who give regular updates on their calorie-tracking apps? Or who can’t open a menu without saying how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ they’ve been that day?
Trigger warning
Senior therapist Sally Baker (workingonthebody.com) agrees these things can be “hugely triggering” and says: “A lot of my clients who’ve struggled with eating and food in the past are triggered by things that could seem to be innocuous comments, and by overhearing people’s stories of diet and restriction.”
And it’s important to be aware – we just don’t know what somebody’s history or private struggle is. As eating disorder campaigner Hope Virgo, founder of the ‘Dump the Scales’ campaign, points out, only 6% of people with an eating disorder are technically underweight. Plus there are endless folk who may not have an eating disorder, but may still be trying to recover from the toxic diet culture and body-shaming messages they grew up with.
Broken records
Navigating these conversations can be anxious territory, especially if you don’t want to disclose personal details every time the topic comes up. Baker recommends what she calls “the stuck record” approach.
“When someone says something to you about dieting or whatever, you just say something along the lines of, ‘Oh I don’t really talk about diets’, or ‘I don’t really get involved with diet talk’ – and then smile and move on.” Repeat if you need to, but hopefully people will get the message eventually.
Avoiding “hotspots” is another strategy. This might be around the school gates, says Baker – so just do a drop and run, a quick hello then say you need to dash. Another example might be switching gym classes – if there’s an instructor who constantly talks about body shape and torching calories, find another one.
Keep calm and carry on
Yes, it probably will feel uncomfortable practising the broken record technique at first, but there are things we can do to help stay on track. Baker is a fan of Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or ‘tapping’, which involves tapping acupressure points on the body with your own fingers to bring about a sense of calm.
“You can tap the sides of your fingertips with your thumb – you can do that in your pocket, no one needs to see you. This tapping method can really help you stay calm and centred.”
You look so slim!
It can seem like we’re paying someone a compliment when we tell them how slim they look, but not only does this overlook the possibility that something unhealthy or painful is going on, it reinforces the message that slimmer is always better.By complimenting weight-loss, this becomes an unspoken message our brains are constantly absorbing.
What happens when a friend is trying hard to lose weight and wants you to notice? “If a friend invites you to comment positively on their weight loss, that’s something you might be able to do. Just say, ‘You look amazing’, support them and recognise their achievement,” Baker says.