Can there be anything more bad-mannered than etiquette?
With crisis upon crisis afflicting the west, we at least have resolution to one trauma. We have now been issued with vaping etiquette.
According to etiquette “experts” at Debrett’s we shouldn’t vape in “small spaces like lifts or public loos” and “hospitals or other healthcare settings”.
Someone was actually paid for that. Perhaps it was Sybil Fawlty (specialised subject, the bleedin’ obvious).
There are worthier subjects for our opprobrium, but so-called etiquette never fails to annoy. Firstly, its proponents can’t comprehend that etiquette and manners are not the same thing (check out the story of Queen Victoria and the finger bowl).
There are people, self-appointed authority Debrett’s among them, who actually make a living by “correcting” people whom they perceive to have inferior social graces to themselves. Ironically, this is the antithesis of good manners.
Manners are generally selfevident, but sometimes subjective, whereas etiquette is a load of old cobblers invented on the spot by people who really should be doing something more useful.
Debrett’s even publishes a book called A-Z of Modern Manners. It contains gibberish about how to wear a waistcoat, peel avocados, eat a doily etc. Of course, the riposte to every one of its ludicrous entries is identical, i.e. “Says who?”
The book sedulously avoids what would have been useful advice; such as who should get the first round in upon arrival in the Mountain Daisy.
Whoever arrived first? Whoever went last previously? Whoever has just been paid? The Duke of Pallion (if he’s in)? It’s a social minefield.
Guidance, presumably deemed crucial, is also given on how to verbally address a baronet. Apparently, we should say Sir Whoever, rather than the more generic and commonly acceptable “mate”.
No explanatory notes are provided as to the acceptability of referring to a bus driver as mate, but not a baronet. Presumably, it’s down to the feudal spirit. I can’t get all class warrior about this, particularly when I am so posh and that. But etiquette, as opposed to manners, is utter hogwash. Elbows off the table? Why?
Not vomiting at the table seems reasonable. However, we don’t need to be told that.