One for sorrow, two for joy
Grieving the tragic loss of my two girls, I saw something that made my heart leap…
My eyes widened in shock as I looked at the screen in front of me.
‘It’s twins!’ the sonographer exclaimed.
I couldn’t believe it. The pregnancy itself had been a surprise – my youngest son, Daniel, was only four months old – but giving birth to twins was a whole new ball game.
Only, before I could get excited the sonographer started to look concerned. She called for a consultant who broke some very upsetting news.
‘One of your babies has a cystic hygroma on her neck, which is a buildup of fluid,’ he explained.
‘It could be nothing but could be a sign of issues such as Down Syndrome or Spina Bifida or heart problems.’
He told me I had three options:
I could terminate the whole pregnancy, have a selective termination or just leave it and see what would happen.
I chose to leave it – I had to give both my babies a chance.
I named them Chloe and Hayley – Hayley was the sick one. For the rest of the pregnancy I was given regular scans and Hayley was referred for heart scans.
At 19 weeks things looked better. Hayley’s cystic hygroma had shrunk slightly. I went for the 22-week scan feeling excited and keen to see how much they’d progressed. But as soon as the wand hit my stomach I knew something wasn’t right. My little fighters were still.
They had both passed.
At the time I didn’t feel anything. I was numb. I always thought I’d know if my babies passed away but this was called a ‘missed miscarriage’ – something I hadn’t heard of before.
Their funeral was a very difficult day, but during the service I couldn’t help noticing two little magpies sitting perfectly still on the grass. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but as the service went on I found myself mesmerised by these birds, just sitting there watching everyone and taking everything in.
At the end of the service, the humanist celebrant told us all to take a minute and pay our final respects.
‘Goodbye babies, Mummy loves you,’ I whispered.
And just as I said those words, the birds flew away.
Now I truly believe those two magpies were my babies coming to visit so I could say goodbye.
I still see two magpies every now and then and if I’m having a hard time or a bad day I always see them more.
I’ve told my other kids, Emily, 11, Daniel, 10 and Nevaeh, six, all about the twins. Nevaeh loves to wave to them if she spots them. ‘Look Mum,’ she’ll shout, ‘It’s Hayley and Chloe coming to see me.’
I know my two little girls are watching over all of us and I’ll never forget them.
Have you experienced a sign like this from loved ones? Turn to page 32 for more stories.