Amber' s first day

It was the job from hell, but there was a silver lining¼

It isn' t many women who meet the love of their life while dressed as a giant orange-andyellow chicken.

If that wasn' t bad enough, I was dressed as a giant orange-and-yellow chicken in the harsh glare of the public eye in a large local shopping mall, in fact.

Let me explain.

I' m an actress, fresh out of drama school and fresh out of work.

My credits include a few TV commercials.

Remember the two office gals who sneakily munch a bag of chocolate-covered peanuts in the call centre? Well I' m the dark-haired, serious, bespectacled one in the blue blouse.

My agent Fran, a Joanna Lumley lookalike, sent me to a steady stream of auditions.

Sadly, they came and went with no offers.

I' d had a good feeling about last week, though.

Fran had thought I was perfect to play the niece of a villain in a highly popular TV soap.

Roxy was new blood, a selfish, sexy minx who set all pulses racing both male and female.

Yet like her uncle, she was a downright wrong un.

Well, soap audiences love to hate, don' t they?

As well as an affair with a down-to-earth married man, the main plot for Roxy would involve a drawn-out scam, masterminded by her uncle.

This would eventually lead to their downfall, and prison.

I' d heard nothing about this audition.

I reasoned there was no point dwelling on it. I had to move on.

And I did too, when the chicken job arose.

Beggars can' t be choosers, Amber darling,' Fran purred down the line. It' s to promote a new fried chicken restaurant. You just don the uniform, hand out flyers and jig about a bit.'

Jig about a bit?' I squawked. I hope they didn' t expect me to mime laying an egg!

I wondered what type of music the mall piped in. I just hoped it wouldn' t be Broken Wings, or even worse, The Birdie Song.

T here was no point dwelling on it. I had to move on. And I did too, when the chicken job arose

Ibet Helen Mirren never had to do this, I thought, as I struggled with the unwieldy costume in my dressing room the mall' s ladies loos.

To say I received some curious looks when I emerged from the cubicle was a strong understatement.

Once in the mall, I clumsily paraded up and down in the silly red tights and webbed clawed feet, hot and sweaty, with only a tiny slit in the enormous floppy beak to peep through.

And that' s when I spotted Mr Gorgeous.

Sporting a mop of dark glossy curls, he had an intelligent face. He wore trendy spectacles, a velvet waistcoat and black jeans.

Hmm, I mused. Maybe he's an academic? Or a mature student?

Either way, he got my vote! I watched Mr Gorgeous as he sauntered around, peering in a bookshop window, and neatly avoiding the gaggle of kids who were keen to point, gawp and laugh at me.

Luckily, the kids were almost instantly dragged off by their parents.

The parents took a flyer out of politeness, only to dump it in the nearest bin.

I didn' t blame them. I' d probably do the same thing.

Tucked deep into my chicken wings, my mobile vibrated.

I had to answer the call, so I quickly yanked off the heavy chicken head, dumped it on the ground, and reached for my phone.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mr Gorgeous heading my way.

Remember that TV soap audition last week, Amber darling?' Fran' s voice said. I held my breath.

They' ve offered you the part of Roxy!'

My heart swelled, and I danced a little jig. Mr Gorgeous was transfixed. Well, it isn' t every day you see a giant headless dancing chicken, is it?

But I didn' t care. My days of advertising chocolatecovered sweets and fried chicken were over!

Great! So, can I hand in my notice right now, today?' Fran chuckled.

Of course, darling. But drop by the office later. You need to sign the contract.'

Iended the call just as Mr Gorgeous came over, took a flyer from me, and studied it.

Is this new chicken place any good, then?' he asked.

I shrugged, as I scooped up my fluffy chicken head. No idea.'

Look, I' m just about to grab some lunch. Fancy coming along?'

I paused for a moment. I kind of liked the fact that Mr Gorgeous would choose to dine with a girl who wore absurd costumes for a living. I grinned.

That sounds cracking.'