Fur babies

forget about having purebread Dalmatians, shall we? I don' t want to go through all this again.

Do you want to discuss Jason next? What a disaster

lacklustre, lackadaisical. Sometimes never to be seen, shirking his responsibilities. No wonder I kept my pills handy and my options open.' She kissed the dog' s head. I suppose what I really need to do is talk honestly to him and sort things out. You' re a brilliant confidante, you know. You didn' t tell him a thing¼ and you never will.'

Well?' Jason yelled from the other side of the bathroom door the following afternoon.

He tried the handle, but as usual with this occasional ritual, Rachel had locked it.

Did he ever wonder if she' d invented it all to keep everybody off her back? It would be wise to look like she was still trying after all.

Now's the time, she thought. Be honest.

Jason,' she called. I have a confession. All this time, I haven' t wanted to be a mum.'

What do you mean? Can you open the door, please?'

I' d rather not. This is very hard to say. A big part of the reason I didn' t want to, was because of you.

Everything I feared you' d do with our baby, you did with the puppies. You drifted off, you disappeared or you treated it all like a joke.

It was as if you thought you could carry on as normal even when a puppy was chewing the wire behind the telly or pooping on the rug.

I didn' t think I could do it all myself, especially as there were eight of them.'

Rachel pulled the latch, swallowing hard as it slid.

She had no idea what expression he wore beyond the door

angry, upset, remorseful?

She pushed the door ajar and there he stood, chewing at his lip.

I thought I did OK,' he said. I mean, I burped Number Three when she was bilious, and I cleaned up all that diarrhoea from Number Seven. I bathed Number

Four' s paw when she cut it. I kept them fed and clean, and played with them.

I really don' t know what else I could have done. But if you think I wasn' t good enough, if you think I' d make a terrible dad, then I have to listen, don' t I?'

I didn't do very well here myself, Rachel considered. But that's the point, isn't it? We're al l just muddling through as parents.

Jason you were terrible, you really were. Only then, suddenly, you just seemed to get it. You realised you couldn' 't desert me. We had eight babies to look after and they belonged to us both. You were paternal and lovely¼ and amazing.'

She thought of her little pink pills again. Some things were best left unsaid. She waved a magic wand instead. Look. Two stripes.'

You' re pregnant?'

With only one baby, I hope. I don' t want another eight.'

He whooped and hugged her that hadn' t altered much. He spun her about then set her down and hugged her all over again.

Then he wanted to celebrate with non-alcoholic wine and natter on about the future including the best schools in the neighbourhood.

It was a good few hours before Rachel could tear herself away. It was a good few hours before she wanted to.

She did eventually steal into the kitchen, where Freckles lay in her basket quietly napping.

This is down to you, you know, and our little dress rehearsal,' Rachel explained.

They shared a look then, mother to soon-to-be mum.

I' m never going to tell him about how I nearly went back on the Pill. That' s between you and me. He' ll make a brilliant father now, and I' ll make a very calm mum.

When my baby starts chewing on my dressing gown, I' ll do what you did, Freckles. I' ll chill.'

Rachel smiled.

Oh, and we' re keeping Number Eight I mean Dotty. After all they' ve taught us, it would be a bad idea to let all our fur babies go.'

I donÕ t know what else I could have done. But if you think I wasnÕ t good enough, I have to listenÕ