Sally sweet dreams

Lucy would do anything to buy her little girl this year' s must-have toy¼

She kept our money in a cash box in the office kitchen. What if I were to borrow some of it?

Istood outside the toy shop window, peeking in through the fake Georgian panes they' d painted on for the festive season, edged with artificial snow.

There, in a cradle, she lay Sally Sweet Dreams, the incredibly life-like baby doll with the translucent skin, bow-mouth and tiny fingers and toes that made her look so much like a real infant.

For little girls, she was this Christmas's `must-have' toy. And, for once, the manufacturers and retailers seemed to have anticipated the demand and there was plenty for everyone.

Plenty for everyone, that is, with the cash to afford a Sally Sweet Dreams, for she didn' t come cheap.

And then there were all the accessories her cot, her pram, her high chair.

My little girl, Hannah, would happily make do without the extras, I knew. She could fashion a cot and blankets from a cardboard box and a few of my scarves.

But she' d written to Santa, begging for a Sally Sweet Dreams doll, and when I' d taken her to see Father Christmas in the shopping mall, I knew that was what she' d whispered in his ear too.

Mummy, I' m going to tidy my room,' she' d said, when we came home. If Santa' s watching, I want him to know that I'm a good girl.'

I smiled, but I felt like crying. Our rent had gone up at the end of the summer, Hannah had needed a new winter coat and boots, and I simply didn' t have the money for a Sally doll.

There was nothing on the horizon that looked likely to change that either.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

It was three weeks until Christmas, and Jools was draping the office in tinsel. Do you think this old stuff looks a bit straggly?' she asked. Should I splash out on some new decorations?' Jools is the office' s social secretary. She collects money from the staff every month and uses it to buy our tea, coffee, milk and biscuits, and to send flowers if someone has a baby or retires, or to buy a voucher if there' s a wedding. She must' ve decided we could run to some new Christmas decorations too. Sometimes I think she could be a little more cautious when spending the cash we' ve all contributed.

I don' t consider myself mean, but I' d be happy with a digestive with my tea, instead of the pricey gold-foil biccies she forks out for, and I don' t see why we need the really expensive coffee when a supermarket brand would do the job.

The old tinsel' s fine,' piped up Simon, from across the office. No need to go wasting our hard-earned dosh, Miss Moneypenny.'

I smiled, glad that someone else saw it my way.

It was as I was thinking how Jools seemed a bit slap-dash with the kitty that a dark thought occurred to me.

She kept our money in a little cash box in the office kitchen, and there always seemed to be plenty for expensive bouquets and wedding gift vouchers as well as our refreshments, so there could be well over a hundred pounds in there.

What if I were to borrow some of that money to buy the Sally Sweet Dreams for Hannah? I could pay it back, over time, in the new year. No one need know.

Lucy? You' re miles away.' It was Simon. I was just asking if you' d like a cuppa I' m about to make myself one.'

I shivered. He' d interrupted me and I was glad I' d been having a very bad idea.

`A cup of tea would be perfect,' I said. Thanks.'

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

Iforgot all about the money in the cash box and took my usual bus towards home, to pick up Hannah from her afterschool club.

Mummy, I painted a picture,' she said proudly.

It' s still wet, so I can' t take it home yet, but

come and see.'

She led me to a washing line, where several children' s handiwork was pegged up to dry.

Someone knows what she wants for Christmas,' the play worker said with a smile.

This one' s Maisie' s,' Hannah said. And this one' s mine. They' re of Sally Sweet Dreams. We' re both getting one, if we' re good.'

My stomach plummeted. In Hannah' s mind, the doll was already hers. She' d earned it with a whole year of good behaviour of sharing and being kind, of making her bed and setting the table.

My little girl deserved that Sally doll and somehow, some way, I had to make sure that she got it.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

At first, I told myself I' d just look, take a peek in the cash box and see what was inside.

I waited until everyone else had left the office, hiding in the loo until it was all clear, satisfying myself that the sound of the vacuum cleaner on the floor below meant Gladys, the cleaner, wouldn' t take me by surprise.

I tip-toed into the kitchen. There it was the cash box.

Lifting off the lid, I gasped. It was stuffed with notes and coins. Far more than I' d imagined.

I listened again the vacuum cleaner was still droning away. If I wanted to count the money, I wouldn' t be disturbed.

There were fivers and tenners and £20s plus a big pile of pound coins. Honestly, it was madness to leave so much cash lying around.

If I borrowed a hundred, I could go straight to the toy shop and buy the doll now during their late-night opening. All this money was so messy, I doubted Jools would miss a few £20s for a month or two.

But it would be stealing, a little voice inside my head said.

I pushed the voice away, convincing myself that it wasn' t stealing it was just borrowing.

As I heard the vacuum noise cut off downstairs, I grabbed five £20 notes, stuffed them into my purse, slammed the lid back on the cash box and headed off.

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

That evening, Hannah was drawing at the table, her head on one side as she concentrated.

What are you up to?' I enquired.

I' m making a Christmas card for Santa,' she replied. I was just thinking nobody seems to send him Christmas cards. Why don' t they?'

Good question. I' m sure he' ll be delighted with yours.'

We can leave it on the hearth on Christmas Eve, with his mince pie and carrots for the reindeer,' Hannah added. Mummy, how do you spell Christmas?'

◆ ◆ ◆ ◆ ◆

I was so sure that, with the Sally Sweet Dreams stashed at the back of my wardrobe, I would start to relax and enjoy the season, safe in the knowledge that Hannah wouldn' t be disappointed. But I felt horribly guilty about what I' d done to pay for the doll, and it ate away at me.

It was a week before Christmas, and the payroll manager popped into our office.

`Attention, ladies and gents,' she called out, shrilly. Bit of good news for one and all. Business has been excellent this year, and management have decided you all deserve a reward, so to make your Christmases a little special, they' ve popped an extra bonus in everyone' s final pay packet of the year. It should be with you now.' A cheer went up.

I wonder how much it is,' Jools mused.

Like her, I went straight for my phone, to check my bank balance.

A ripple of excitement went round the place, and I guessed everyone had done the same, and had found, like me, an additional five hundred pounds in their account!

I could hardly believe it. Five hundred pounds was a lot of money. I felt a twinge, as I realised that, had I known this was coming, I could have avoided borrowing' the hundred pounds from the office cash box.

Still, if I went to the bank tomorrow, I could put the cash back before anyone noticed. No harm done.

Well, that' s a bit of good news,' Jools said, coming over and leaning on the back of my chair. You' ll be able to get some nice treats for Hannah, and still go into the new year with a few quid in the bank.

Lucy, could you do me a favour?' she added. If my extension rings, could you answer it for me? I just want to pop into the kitchen while it' s quiet. I need to count up the social fund kitty and check it against my records. I did it a week ago, but I' ve bought a few things since then and I want to leave everything just right for the end of the year.'

You counted the kitty a week ago?' I asked.

This was terrible then she' d know exactly how much had been in the cash box.

I did. I know I don' t always seem that organised, but I keep a record of it in this little cash book.' She waved a

ÔIÕ m making a Christmas card for Santa. We can leave it on the hearth with his mince pieÕ

small, hard-backed book at me.

I felt faint.

Lucy? You feeling all right? You' ve gone very pale.'

I sat, trembling, at my desk, unable to think of anything, but what would happen when Jools discovered the hundred pounds missing from the cash box.

She would surely come shrieking from the kitchen. There would be an investigation. People would find out it was me. They' d feel betrayed it was their money I' d taken, after all. I' d be sacked, and who would give another job to a thief?

For 15 minutes, I sat in a cold sweat, waiting for it to begin.

But it didn' t.

After what felt like an age, but was only a quarter of an hour, Jools came back to me with a cheery: `All right, Lucy? Did I miss any calls?'

She wasn' t having a hissy fit. She wasn' t weeping and wailing about missing money. No calls,' I confirmed.

Well, my calculations went very satisfactorily,' she continued. At the end of December, we are precisely eight pence up on where we should be, so that' s extremely pleasing. Not a bad year' s accounting.'

The kitty' s eight pence up?' I checked.

Yep. All done and dusted for another year.'

That' s great,' I said, but my mind was racing.

The hundred pounds I' d taken seemed not to be missing at all how could that be?

Belting my coat for home that evening, I still couldn' t understand what had happened.

You take the number 26 bus, don' t you?' Simon asked.

I do,' I replied. Why are you going that way?'

Just for tonight, I think,' he said. Mind if I walk with you?'

Course not,' I answered.

I' ll even share my umbrella with you.'

As we were waiting for the bus, Simon said: Last week, I saw you gazing in the toy-shop window, looking utterly miserable. It wasn' t like you, and it got me wondering.

A couple of days ago, I tried to get you on your own at the end of work, to ask you what was bothering you, see if there was anything I could do.

You didn' t notice me, but I was still in the office when you went to the kitchen¼

Oh, no. My heart started to thump.

I' ve known you for two years, Lucy. I know the sort of person you are kind, thoughtful and completely honest. I followed you, and I know why you needed that money so urgently. You went to the toy shop, and when you came out you were radiant.'

Why are you calling me honest?' I blurted out. Given what you' re telling me, you must know that I' m not.'

Lucy, I know you would have paid that money back.

It' s not in your nature to take anything that doesn' t belong to you you refuse to eat more than one of Jools' s fancy biscuits, for goodness' sake, because you think they cost us all too much!

I was positive that you would return the money. But I also knew that Jools had just counted it, because she got me to counter-sign the sums, and I was afraid of you being caught out before you got the chance.'

So you put it back.'

It was just a loan.'

You must think I' m a terrible person.'

I think you' re a loving mum, who just felt a bit desperate.'

Aren' t you afraid to work with me now?' I asked. Don' t you think: If she did it once, she could do it again?'

No, I don' t think that. I prefer to believe that we' re good friends, trusting friends, and now that we' ve had this talk, if you ever find yourself short of cash again especially if you need something for Hannah you' ll come to me first.'

I wouldn' t. I couldn' t,' I told him.

You' d refuse my help? I' m offended.'

He looked at me tenderly. Stop trying to fix everything all by yourself, Lucy. You have friends that' s what we' re here for.'

It took a while to accept that my ordeal was over, and that I was being given a fresh start. But when I took that step, I resolved to be as good a friend as Simon had been to me and that gave me back the beginnings of my self-respect.

Is she asleep yet?' Simon asked, when he phoned on Christmas Eve.

Just like Sally Sweet Dreams,' I told him.

And because the kindness and trust of a true friend had rescued me from a disastrous, one-time-only mistake, an hour later, so was I.

ÔIÕ ve known you for two years, and I know you are kind, thoughtful and completely honest