Just unlucky?

Lizzie was always having accidents. Was someone trying to kill her?

As Lizzie plummeted to the ground she realised that, maybe, reaching through the bedroom window for the ladder propped against the wall outside hadn' t been a particularly good idea after all.

A bushy conifer below fortunately broke her descent and bounced her on to a spreading euonymus, which she crushed as her ankle twisted beneath her.

Her scream of agony and the loud clang of a clattering ladder attracted her neighbour' s attention.

Colin Trent was her neighbour. He was a tall, thin bachelor with a penchant for murder mysteries and detective novels. His house was full of them, all lined up neatly on dozens of bookshelves. Colin must have been in his back garden when Lizzie fell. She hadn' t seen him from the bedroom window, hadn' t looked for him actually, but he must have been there, because his head suddenly popped up over the fence.

Everything OK there?' He spotted Lizzie writhing on the euonymus. Ah, I see it isn' t. You wait there, Lizzie. I' m coming round.'

Lizzie couldn' t do anything but wait. She bit her lip as she squeezed her leg through her jeans in an attempt to dull the pain in her ankle.

A few seconds later she heard the latch on the gate, and was grateful they' d forgotten to put the bolt across again. Colin then appeared from the side of the house, hurrying over.

Are you OK? What happened?'

I f-fell.'

Fell? From where?' Colin crouched next to her.

From up th-there.' Lizzie jerked her chin in the direction of the bedroom window above them.

Colin turned and looked up. Oh dear!'

Phil, Lizzie' s husband, was still up there, hanging from the guttering, his legs swinging wildly as he tried to direct his feet to the sill of the open window.

Hello, Colin!' he shouted down.

Phil!' Colin waved. Need a hand?'

If you could.'

Colin put the ladder back in position against the house and held it while Phil got his feet firmly on a rung. Phil then scrambled down and hurried across to his wife. Lizzie are you all right?' Ankle!' she wheezed.

I' ll call an ambulance,' said Colin.

Quicker to drive,' said Phil grabbing Lizzie by the armpits. Come on, up you get.'

The hospital checked Lizzie over and pronounced her ankle slightly strained' .

One tight bandage later, Phil drove her home. He installed Lizzie on the sofa with a mug of cocoa, the TV remote and a plate of custard creams her injured limb nestled on a cushion on the pouffe.

He was just on his way out to the shops when Colin came round to see how she was.

Phil showed him through, then left. Lizzie heard the car drive off.

I' m not too bad,' Lizzie said. Considering I fell from so high up.'

Colin nodded. Yes, you were lucky really.'

Lucky?!' Lizzie didn' t think she was lucky at all. Just the opposite, in fact.

But it could have been so much worse.'

I suppose.'

So what exactly happened?'

Lizzie winced at the memory of her stupidity.

Phil was up the ladder, clearing out the guttering. When it rains the gutter overflows and water splashes down our kitchen window. I knew there had to be a

He's not likely to give you advance warning if heÕ s trying to run you over!

blockage. You know, leaves or something? So Phil was taking a look.'

But how did you fall out the window? He was the one up the ladder. Not you.'

I was passing him a rag,' Lizzie said. Only, he hadn' t come down far enough and I leant out a bit too far to reach him. I put my hand on the ladder to brace myself... and I sort of took the ladder with me when I fell out.'

Colin frowned. Hmm, sounds a bit suspicious to me.'

Suspicious?'

Colin looked round, as though checking the immediate vicinity was clear of eavesdroppers, which it was, obviously, and then leant in close to whisper: Are you sure Phil didn' t pull you out?'

What?' Lizzie felt the shock of the accusation like a punch to the chest.

I can imagine him yanking you out and holding on to the guttering to save himself from falling. It seems a little odd that you should simply fall out unaided,' said Colin. But I did.'

You sure?'

I' m just unlucky that way.' Colin stared at her seriously. Just unlucky? Like when you accidentally fell down the stairs?'

Are you suggesting Phil pushed me?'

Did he?'

No! I told you, I' m just unlucky.'

And what about when your hedge trimmer exploded? I thought at the time that was a wee bit suspicious¼'

The wiring was faulty,' said Lizzie. She was becoming irritated by Colin' s interrogation very quickly. Now can we please drop the subject?'

Yes, but why was the wiring faulty?' Colin was certainly persistent. And what about when Phil reversed into you with the car?'

The brakes were faulty,' Lizzie sighed. That wasn' t Phil' s fault. If I had known he was going to suddenly reverse up the drive I wouldn' t have been standing behind the car. Would I?' Exactly!'

Eh?'

Colin smiled in what he must have assumed was an intelligent manner, but which actually made him look like he' d just sat on a cactus.

If you' d known! But you didn' t know, did you? Because he' s not likely to give you advance warning if he' s trying to run you over!'

Colin had clearly read too many of those mystery stories of his and now thought he was Sherlock Holmes or Poirot searching for clues and hidden connections.

Phil was not trying to run me over,' Lizzie said. And that' s the end of it. OK?'

Colin fidgeted in frustration, as though he desperately wanted to incriminate someone. Phil in particular.

He took one of Lizzie' s custard creams and munched it huffily.

But you do seem to have a lot of accidents .'

Unlucky,' Lizzie said. Just unlucky.'

It was two months later that the next accident occurred.

Phil was in the bath, head poking out through the bubbles. He was humming along to some classic rock tunes on his old portable radio, which he had perched as usual on the laundry basket. The batteries had run out and they didn' t have any spares, so he' d had to dig out the cord. The cord trailed back, via the curly extension, to the socket in the bedroom.

Lizzie went into the bathroom with the blouse she' d stained at lunchtime courtesy of some sauce oozing from a sandwich and picked up the radio so she could remove the lid of the laundry basket. The cord snagged somewhere and jerked free from the back of the radio, dropping to the floor.

Unfortunately it dropped into a small pool of water on the tiled floor a pool that also contained her bare foot.

The resulting bang blew all the fuses in the house and sent Lizzie flying all the way to hospital again.

This time she had a singed foot, a ringing in her ears, and a slight tremor in her hands.

She felt well enough, but they admitted her to a ward for a couple of days for ongoing tests to make sure the electric shock hadn' t done any permanent damage.

Colin visited her the first afternoon, slipping in during visiting hours.

Phil said he' d get himself a coffee from the café downstairs and would be back in 15 minutes or so.

Colin could hardly contain himself as Phil ambled away.

I knew it!' He pulled Phil' s chair closer to

This time she had a singed foot, a ringing in her ears, and a slight tremor in her hands

Lizzie' s bed and sat down.

Knew what?' Lizzie tugged at her hospital gown to arrange it more modestly.

He' s tried to bump you off again!'

What?!'

Phil. He' s tried another method to kill you.'

No! He' s doing no such thing,' said Lizzie.

Electrocution!' Colin said suddenly.

Lizzie looked round at the fellow patients in her bay, some of whom were suddenly glancing her way, as were their visitors.

Colin, please, keep your voice down.'

Colin leant in a little bit closer and lowered his voice. But you have to admit it is a tiny bit suspicious.'

You and your suspicions.' You were in the bath though,' Colin said. Phil threw the radio in. It' s a well-known method for killing someone. I' ve read about it hundreds of times. He tried to electrocute you.'

Lizzie sighed, wishing she had a private room.

It wasn' t like that at all. Phil was in the bath. I went to put a blouse in the laundry basket. The radio was on top. I picked it up to open the lid of the basket and the cord dropped out. The cord fell in a puddle of water a puddle I also happened to be standing in. And bang! It was just another unlucky accident.'

Oh,' Colin frowned, apparently confused. I thought¼'

Well you thought wrong.' But Colin was not the sort of man to be put off that easily.

What if Phil knew you were going to throw something in the laundry basket and positioned his radio there to make you pick it up. And then he loosened the cord so it would definitely fall out. And he also arranged a suitable puddle of water exactly where you were going to stand?'

Colin!' Lizzie glared at her neighbour.

Colin sank back into his chair. Hmm, yes, that is a bit far-fetched, isn' t it?' Then he gave it some more thought: So you really are just unlucky?'

Just unlucky. That' s me.' The sense of disappointment flowing from Colin was palpable.

The following month, Lizzie and Phil went to her boss' s engagement party. And Lizzie ended up in hospital again.

They told me you almost died!' Colin said when he visited her. He must have been lurking somewhere, watching, because he appeared, hurrying over, just as Phil walked out.

Lizzie had a different bed this time, in a different bay on a different ward.

Fortunately, I was sick.

You know, vomited? That stopped me ingesting the full dose of poison.' Lizzie said.

Poison?!' Colin' s eyebrows almost made it into orbit. How exciting! And who, I wonder, could possibly want to poison you?'

Who, indeed?'

Well, Phil. Obviously. You can' t deny it this time. He' s tried again!'

The police reckon the poison could have been meant for anyone. It could have been a random attack. Or it could have been a simple accident. They' re investigating as we speak. I was just the unlucky victim.'

Unlucky?' Colin was almost triumphant. Ha! You were very nearly murdered, for the umpteenth time by that scoundrel of a husband of yours. Why don' t you just accept the truth?'

Because, Colin,' Lizzie said, it' s not true in the slightest.'

Lizzie sighed with angry frustration as she thought of Phil' s life insurance still not claimed.

Yes, Phil, with his affair he didn' t think she knew about, and his supposedly secret on-line poker games that were draining their bank account, and his numerous other annoying habits that drove her up the wall.

How on earth could she have mixed up the glasses at the party?

And why did the radio cord have to fall out before she could deposit the radio in the bath with him?

Unlucky wasn' t the word! Like catching her sleeve on the ladder when she tried to push Phil off, so that it pulled her out as it fell.

Or blowing herself up while tampering with the hedge trimmer.

Or Phil reversing instead of setting off for work when she' d tampered with the car' s brakes.

If Phil isn' t trying to kill you,' Colin said, then I should call the people at the Guinness Book of World Records because you have to be the unluckiest person ever!'

Or, Lizzie thought to herself grimly, Phil was the luckiest.

The police reckon the poison could have been meant for anyone. It could have been a random attack