New tricks

When someone was trying to sabotage her mum' s salon, Jodie called the blue rinse brigade¼

Can I film this?' The young man in the hairdressing salon looked about 25 Jodie' s age. He waved his phone under her mum' s nose as he sat in the stylist' s chair.

Jodie, still sweeping up hair from the last customer' s cut and blow-dry, paused in her work.

Why?' she asked.

I' m an influencer. I put videos online.' He forced one hand through his mane of shaggy curls. It' s my first haircut for ages. My fans will be thrilled.'

Your fans must be desperate, Jodie thought.

Still nothing much happened in the boring market town she' d recently returned to. This might be the highlight of her day, too.

I don' t mind,' her mum said. It' ll be a bit of a laugh.'

The young man got his phone all set, filming by holding it at arm' s length.

Right then, here we go¼

Hi I' m here at Carmen' s Hairdressers. This is Carmen.'

I' m Ruby, actually.

Carmen' s just the name I chose for the place,' Jodie' s mum corrected.

My mistake,' said the young man. Anyway, I' m here for a fade. You know, not much off the top. Short to longer on the sides and back, blended so there' s no disconnection. Mind my cow licks on the crown.'

Blimey!' Jodie' s mum peered at his curls as thick as a bramble hedge. I haven' t done a fade for ages.'

Jodie knew this particular cut took art and subtlety to get it right. He might end up looking very sheep-like, with only curls on top.

The young man laughed. I' m sure it' ll be great.'

Jodie' s mum reached for her clippers while not appearing entirely confident.

Her little salon was a Mecca for little old ladies out for a shampoo and set plus a gossip. Two of her regulars already sat under the dryers with magazines in their laps and coffees on standby.

Carmen' s definitely wasn' t a trendy barbers for the young, free and single.

Her mum cleared her throat, then plunged into the man' s barnet, her clippers buzzing.

Right then,' she muttered instructions to herself. Start with a number-four guard.'

Jodie' s eyes widened as she worked.

That doesn' t look quite right, she thought. Has she taken that too high at the back? How will that ever join up?

She chewed at her lip, her body tensing up. It was like watching a horror film and anticipating the next big scare.

Her mum finally set down her clippers and replaced them with a pair of scissors. She did the best she could as her client filmed every nervous twitch. At the end she sagged with relief.

It's OK, Jodie thought. It's not that awful. Not for at least your second attempt at a fade since the dinosaurs. He doesn' t even look too much like a lamb.

There you go,' her mum blew out another slow breath as she showed the man the back in a mirror. He felt at the nape of his neck.

That' s great, thanks.' Oh, is it?' said Jodie' s mum, smiling at last as she removed his gown and the towel she' d draped over his shoulders.

The waved his credit card at her.

Do you do contactless?' Jodie take him to the desk, will you?'

As Jodie led him away, her mum settled into the stylist' s chair herself for a well-earned break. Over at the desk,

Jodie worked the till, then watched their client wave his bank card over the reader. She noted his gold-embossed name Leon Fox.

Thanks, all!'

He waved to everybody before he left.

Jodie watched him through the big front window.

He sauntered down the

Had he gone to get his hair fixed at the only other salon on the high street? Jodie's instincts warned otherwise

pavement, then dodged between two parked cars to cross the road.

On the pavement opposite, he trotted to the shiny grey façade of SharpCuts.

Jodie frowned as he disappeared inside, the smoky tinted doors swinging closed at his back.

Had he gone to get his hair fixed at the only other salon on the high street? Jodie' s instincts warned otherwise.

What's going on something shady? she wondered. It's lucky I'm here, Mum would never have noticed this.

Her mum had taken note of a few things recently. She' d spoken to Jodie before she' d trekked off to Manchester.

Corporate life won' t suit you. You won' t be happy in that office sending out invoices all day.'

Jodie hadn' t loved it at all, hence her return. She' d pitched in helping out in the shop to pass the time while she looked for something else. But what?

I' ll look up Leon online later,' she whispered to herself before her mum beckoned her over.

Jodie, can you get Mrs Patterson out from under the dyer? She' s cooked.'

That evening, back at home, her mum plonked down a pile of shopping bags. They' d just spent the last hour at the supermarket.

Jodie set down her own set of bags, then she settled with her phone at the kitchen table.

She trawled through the usual suspects, TikTok¼ Facebook¼ Twitter¼ and landed up on YouTube, and that was where she found Leon The Fox' s channel.

She tapped on his video link. The most recent was entitled: Hair Massacre! What a blooming cheek.

Jodie hunted out her earphones. She plugged herself in so her mum wouldn' t hear a word, then tapped at her screen. Leon, facing camera, did an intro.

OK, I went to the worst salon in town today. It' s had loads of bad reviews. I got this haircut. Try not to lose your breakfast, your lunch or dinner checking it out.'

He grinned while sweeping his hand through his curly crown and tilting his head this way and that.

Ugly or what? It' s OK I' m going to get it fixed. Details at the end of the vid. But for now, watch and weep here' s Carmen¼ the butcher.'

Jodie gawped as she watched her mum looking pale and stressed, her clippers crawling across his head like an automated snail.

Her scissors chopped away next, her comb pushing through his thick mass of curls as if hunting for nits. The resulting cut didn' t look that terrible. It simply lacked a little finesse and maybe two tons of hair gel.

At the end of the segment, Leon appeared again in a new setting. It was the plush grey-painted, chrome-infested interior of SharpCuts. Behind his left shoulder, a tall, pretty girl appeared, smiling.

Let' s put this right, shall we?' She pushed out one hip, posing like a model. Remember SharpCuts has only four- and five-star reviews. Leon' s come to the right place.'

The video ended with

Leon beaming, looking like he' d won the lottery and not simply tidied up his mop.

Jodie pulled out her earphones. Mum, do you still have a website called Carmen' s Curls, Cut and Colours?'

Her mum, putting eggs and butter in the fridge, glanced round. I think so. I' ve not bothered with it much since the designer set it up. All my clients ring in anyway.'

Talk about getting lost in the Dark Ages. Jodie tapped her way over to the site. She checked the reviews, her eyes widening at the one-star critiques Surly woman, terrible cut.

At least I'm still alive, wrote P. Jenkins.

Had to ask for a refund, wrote A. Tailor.

Worst place in the entire country. Avoid, complained Mrs Milne.

Jodie swallowed dryly, seeing three more whole pages of terrible reviews lined up.

Mum, do you know a P. Jenkins or¼ she listed some of the other moaning clients while her mum put away bacon and a punnet of strawberries. I don' t think I know any of those names.'

How many new clients have you had since¼ March 4th?' Jodie read the date on the first of the horrible accounts.

None. I have my regulars.' Jodie easily guessed when SharpCuts had opened. At least her mum' s herd of elderly ladies had stayed loyal, though she doubted many ever checked the internet.

They' d used Carmen' s for decades, long before the worldwide web was invented.

Jodie frowned. Should she tell her about SharpCuts' sabotage

The video ended with Leon beaming, looking like he'd won the lottery and not simply tidied up his mop

since it was clearly aiming to grab all the trade in town?

She watched her mum for a moment, putting biscuits in the cupboard. Since Jodie' s dad had passed away in a car crash two years ago, her mum had clung to one motto

all I want now is a quiet life with no complications and no drama.

Jodie would need to sort this out alone or at least covertly.

Mum, how many regulars do you have?'

I don' t know, 50 odd, Maybe more. I' ve never counted. Why?'

I just wondered,' Jodie turned off her phone.

If she wanted contact details she' d need a reason to plough through the salon' s records.

Do you want me to look at the books while I' m around? I could help with your tax.'

Oh yes, that would be great.' Her mum had no idea what was to come.

After Jodie made a few phone calls the next day, she organised a meeting at the café on Timson Street at lunchtime. She' d known all the elderly ladies present at her table since she was a little girl.

Your poor mother would be devastated if she knew what they were doing,' said Nancy with her steel-grey pixie cut.

Fancy somebody doing that to her,' added Paula, still a vibrant redhead at 70-plus.

It' s cruel,' said Ethel, her face as wrinkled as a tortoise, her hair as white as snow.

It' s times like this I wish I owned a gun,' said Maud, her hair jet-black.

She had always been a bit of a loose cannon.

I' d noticed most of the young ones stopped coming in after that other place set up,' she added. Your mum won' t have a business once we all die off.'

Nancy huffed. Well, thanks for cheering me up.'

Maud waved a finger at her friends.

We need to do something, but what? I suppose we could march round and have it out with the little rats?'

No!' Jodie blurted. We need to make sure Mum' s not involved in any way. I don' t want her becoming a target for revenge. We' ve already seen how far SharpCuts will go.'

What' s the plan then?' asked Nancy.

I know one thing,' Maud cut in. They' ll be no point in doing anything unless Ruby goes back to hairdressing school or whatever you call it. She needs to keep up with the latest trends. I wouldn' t be surprised if some of the young ones did give her bad reviews every now and again.'

Jodie nodded. Her mum had fallen into a bit of rut.

I' ll worry about that later,' she said. For now we need to work out a plan of attack.'

It took four cups of tea and two scones plus a lot of hard thinking before a scheme turned up.

I' ve got it!' Jodie cried, spitting out crumbs.

The four ladies glanced at each other as she explained.

What do you think? Am I insane? Crazy? Mad?' she said afterwards.

We' ll need more recruits,' Maud pointed out. I can promise you this, though, if we go ahead, we' ll go in there like the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.'

Jodie smiled.

I' ll do it now. I' ll make an appointment,' Maud said, waving her mobile. I can be the head of communications inside as well. Those young ones will wish they never messed with Carmen' s.'

They all sat looking tense as she found the right number and dialled.

Hello, is that SharpCuts?

I' d like an appointment for four. Yes four cuts and blow-dries, please. When can you fit us in?'

Tuesday, it turned out. At 3pm.

On the day of the mission' , while her mum snipped away in the salon, Jodie hurried into the kitchen at the back of the building and rang Maud.

We' re in,' said the elderly lady in a whisper over the line. We' ve infiltrated.'

Maybe she' d watched too many spy films.

I' m sitting waiting for my turn. There' s more than one stylist on duty, not like at your mum' s. There' s two here, all skinny with big eyelashes.

And Ethel is pretending to be deaf. It' s winding that girl from the video up a treat. She tried to be all sweet at the start, but if you' re rotten to your core it shows eventually.

Now Ethel' s complaining her curlers are too tight and they' re not like her usual ones. Nancy' s with the other girl. She' s saying her fringe is far too short. Honestly, the girl barely touched the blooming thing. Hang on a sec, I need to make a few more demands.'

The phone crackled as she set it aside.

Excuse me!' she yelled across the salon. I' ve been waiting here for ages now. Can you show me where your loos are? Oh, and can I have a coffee? I' 'm parched and I need to take my pills.''

The phone crackled again and she came

back on the line.

I' ve only just started griping. Back in a few minutes,' she said.

Jodie heaved a sigh. Was this going to work? She really, really didn' t want her mum to know a thing, though she had toyed with the idea of getting the man who' d designed her website involved so he could remove all the awful reviews.

Jodie' s heart pounded when she hurried into the salon. She swept up hair from under the feet of her mum and her client. Her phone rang in her pocket 20 minutes later as she handed the lady, now perched under a dryer, coffee and a biscuit.

She hurried away, back to the kitchen and took the call.

Maud laughed down the line this time.

The owner just cut Paula' s ear. Paula was swinging her arms about and the girl must have lost concentration. Then snip. There' s blood everywhere.'

Oh my God!'

Don' t worry, pet. Paula' s made of stern stuff. She lost a fingertip in the garden once pruning roses. Still, she is yelling the place down and the blonde girl' s almost in tears trying to placate her. I wish I had some sympathy for the sly little madam.'

She turned her phone about so Jodie could hear.

I' ve said I' m sorry a hundred times!' That must be the blonde girl who liked to pose. It was an accident.'

You don' t know what you' re doing!' Paula yelled. You' re gossiping to that other girl and not paying attention. My top' s ruined. You' ll have to pay for that.'

Maud came back on the line.

There you go,' she said triumphantly. Is it time for me to get involved again?' Go for it,' Jodie urged. Maud left her phone on so she could listen in again. Jodie could imagine her standing up from her seat in the waiting area.

We only came here because of the bad reviews about Carmen' s,' she bawled out as if she' d taken lessons from a town crier. We thought we must be missing out on something. This place is a shambles.

Four more of our friends are booked in for this week, too. There are four more coming in on Friday. They' re all going to want to see this disaster for themselves. Your customer service is terrible.'

Was the blonde silently screaming in her head by now?

Let them reap what they'v' e sown, Jodie thought as Maud ranted on and on.

She expected nobody would pay for any of their cuts and blow-drys at SharpCuts that afternoon.

Later in the week, the second wave of ladies would arrive. Then the next group would turn up, all of them stubborn and contrary.

Carmen' s regulars did have a special set of requirements

they' d simply exaggerate every single one. Then, of course, they would leave bad reviews for the trendy salon, genuine reviews, not fakes created by random strangers who didn' t exist at all.

You could take a refresher course, or practise more? Maybe watch some videos and learn new techniquesÕ

We have some integrity, Jodie thought as she smirked.

She gave a start, and cut Maud off mid-yell on her mobile as her mum stuck her head round the door.

Why do you keep disappearing this afternoon?'

No reason, Mum. Aren' t your clients wonderful?'

Jodie added with a grin. Loyal, determined. People think all old ladies do is sit at home and knit. They' re a force to be reckoned with once they' re riled up. You don' t want to get on the wrong side of them.'

What are you on about?'

Er¼ nothing. I' ll go and sweep up again.'

By Friday it was all over. Carmen' s regulars' assault on SharpCuts completed.

In the salon at the end of the day, Jodie stood pondering over the results of their endeavours. On her phone, she studied her mother' s website. All the fake bad reviews had disappeared, every single one.

Leon' s video had vanished, too. SharpCuts no longer wanted to be the best salon in town, attracting allcomers. Her mum hadn' t made an enemy in the high street either. Since nobody suspected a thing, there would be no repercussions. SharpCuts thought they' d brought it all on themselves. Jodie smiled.

Maybe I ought to go into HR or recruitment, she thought. Or maybe I'd make a good secret-service agent.

She giggled. She hadn' t taken the ultimate revenge. She' d decided with her elderly cohorts not to post any foul reviews after all. They' d rise well above their opposition' s sly methods.

Now, as she gazed out of the window, she saw the tall blonde woman leaving SharpCuts with Leon trailing behind. In the street they started to argue, the blonde girl' s hands cutting only fresh air this time as Leon backed off in a hurry, his curly fringe flopping into his eyes.

Oh dear, a domestic. They must be a couple,' Jodie muttered as her mum appeared from the back of the shop with her scissors, a clean gown and a towel.

You just want a trim then?' she asked.

No Mum, I want this.'

Jodie showed her a video on her phone from a top

London hairdresser. He flicked his model' s hair this way and that making intricate feathering and layering.

I can' t do that.'

Of course you can.'

No, I can' t. I' m not the best hairdresser, you know.'

You used to be, Mum. You could be again. You could take a refresher course, or practise a bit more? Maybe watch some videos and learn new techniques?'

You can' t teach an old dog new tricks, love.'

Jodie thought of her little army and laughed.

Yes you can. Trust me!'

Her mum frowned, thinking it over, as across the road Leon charged off in disgust while the blonde girl sobbed. It appeared the partners in crime had broken up.

Maybe you' re right,' Jodie' s mum said, blissfully ignorant of it all. Go on then, show me that video one more time.'