Always one better

Maggie and Sandra were battling to outdo each other. But who would be victorious?

Maggie couldn 't believe it. She had to look twice before she rushed in to tell Tony. He was fast asleep in bed.

Tony, Tony!' she cried, prodding him.

Whasamarra?' he muttered. Sandra and Patrick are having double-glazing put in!' Maggie prodded him again. Tony!'

Tony opened an eye.

You' ve woken me up at eight in the morning to tell me that?' he cried.

But they' re showing us up again! We' ve just have all our windows repainted, and they have to go one better. They only do it to make us feel inferior!'

I don' t think so, darling¼' Well, I' m not having it. What' s better than double glazing?'

I don' t know¼'

There has to be something. I' ll think of it, so help me I will.'

Tony dozed off to sleep while Maggie marched downstairs. She was in the middle of the washing-up when she thought of it.

`A new conservatory!' she yelled, rushing back to Tony.

Tony, hearing her screech, thought he was in the middle of a nightmare. He woke up to discover that he was.

It needn' t cost that much,' Maggie cried, pacing up and down. I' m sure some of these firms do interest-free credit¼'

It will cost a fortune,' Tony muttered.

I' m due for my annual bonus this month,' Maggie continued. I can use that as the down-payment.'

But we don' t want a conservatory!' Tony cried.

The conservatory was nice, Tony had to admit it. But the monthly payments weren' t.

Do you know what the best thing about it is?' Maggie asked him.

You can boast to next door about it?'

No, well, yes, but also when we pull back the blinds, we can see exactly what they' re doing in their bedroom.'

Maggie!'

What wardrobes they' re having fitted, if they' re redecorating¼ and we can also look out into their garden and see if they' re buying new patio furniture.'

Just pull back the blind, please!' begged Tony.

Sandra and Patrick were the first people Maggie invited round.

We thought about having a conservatory,' said Sandra, but it' s not really a yearround room. So we' re having a study built, aren' t we, Patrick?'

Patrick nearly spilt his tea. Mind my new carpet!' Maggie cried.

How could she do that!' Maggie fumed to Tony when they' d gone. Who the heck wants a study? I don' t suppose Sandra can even read not books, anyway!'

The new study blocked out light from the conservatory. And instead of looking out over next door' s garden from her conservatory, all Maggie could see was a brick wall. She was livid.

Sandra invited Maggie and Tony around to drinks when it was finished.

I' m not going!' Maggie told Tony. She only wants to show off.'

Fair enough,' said Tony. But Maggie couldn' t resist having a nosy round. The room was beautiful. She was green with envy. But she didn' t let it show.

But then, as she carried the dirty glasses into the kitchen, she saw Sandra' s state-of-the-art fridge.

Do you like it?' asked Sandra, smiling. It' s American. See, it has double doors, with storage in each.'

We' ll have to get one like that when our new kitchen is fitted,' said Maggie.

There was a crashing sound behind her. Maggie turned to see that Tony had followed her with a plate of nibbles which were now all over the floor.

We are not having a new kitchen,' he told her when they got home.

But ours looks so tatty.' Then I' ll redecorate it for you.'

Maggie shook her head, Tony hated redecorating and he was useless at it.

It just annoys me so much when Sandra has to go one up on me,' she said. I have to stop her doing this.'

Tony sighed with relief. At last, Maggie had seen sense. Or had she?

You haven' t asked me what I want for my 50th birthday,' he said, changing

When we pull back the blinds, we can see exactly what theyÕ re doing in their bedroomÕ

the subject.

That' s because I' m giving you a wonderful surprise,' Maggie smiled.

Tony kissed her.

It was in the middle of the night that he woke with a start. Why did he have a feeling his surprise would be very expensive and would involve getting one up on Sandra?

No sign of your new kitchen?' said Sandra, when she called round.

No,' said Maggie, I just couldn' t stand all the mess. Besides, I' ve decided to spend the money on other things. Tell me, what did you give your Patrick when he turned 50?'

`A top-of-the-range racing bike,' smirked Sandra.

Just then, the phone rang. Maggie answered it in the hall. Sandra pushed the kitchen door open to hear better.

You' ve got the Rolls I ordered?' Maggie cried.

That' s brilliant!'

Sandra choked on her biscuit. She was coughing so much, she almost missed the conversation.

You' ve got the colour I specified?' she just heard Maggie ask. Great. And you' ll deliver? Lovely. Can you put it in the garage, I' ll leave it unlocked. You see, it' s a surprise for my husband' s birthday. Thank you so much.'

When Maggie came off the phone, Sandra was gone.

Maggie looked in surprise at the half-drunk coffee and the open back door¼

She' s buying her Tony a Rolls-Royce!' Sandra panted down the phone. She' d rung Patrick straight away to tell him. They must have sold both their cars, otherwise how could they possibly afford it?'

So?' asked Patrick.

So we can' t be outdone! I know. We' ll get a Merc.' Darling, we can' t afford¼'

We' ll sell both our cars and get a second-hand one. I don' t suppose for a minute her Rolls is new¼'

We' d have to get one about 15 years old.'

So get it!'

But you wouldn' t have your own car¼'

I don' t care! We' d ride around in luxury together.' Sandra, this is crazy.'

It' s what I want for my 50th birthday. I gave you a bike¼'

And you want a Merc?'

Yes! Do this little thing for me, Patrick.'

Patrick put the phone down with a sigh.

This was just like the double-glazing and the study, but he knew if he didn' t do as Sandra demanded, he' d never hear the end of it.

Sandra walked slowly out to the car. It' s got rust!' she cried. It' s an A-reg!'

Yes, well, that' s all we could afford in part-exchange for our cars.'

Suddenly, Maggie was by Sandra' s side. You haven' t sold both your cars, have you?' she said. I couldn' t survive without mine.'

But¼ but we' ve got a Merc,' said Sandra. It' s far better than a Rolls.'

But it' s only one car.'

Wait, you mean you' ve still got two?' cried Sandra.

Yes.'

But¼ but what are you giving Tony for his 50th birthday?'

Maggie smiled. You know how we wanted a new kitchen, but couldn' t stand the upheaval? Well, I' m redecorating ours for him, all by myself, saving him the job.'

Sandra stared at her.

But¼ the Rolls you were having delivered? To your garage? You had the phone call while I was there¼'

Rolls of kitchen wallpaper,' said Maggie. Sandra? What' s the matter? You' ve gone as white as your rusty old car!'

Patrick just managed to catch Sandra as she fainted. As Maggie fanned her, she couldn' t help but smile to herself. Sandra would never recover from this.

Surely she' d just won the final battle in the one-upmanship game?

ÔIÕ ve decided to spend the money on other things. What did you give Patrick when he turned 50?Õ