Double crossed

Pam and Nicola had a plan, but it wasn' t as foolproof as they' d thought¼

What would you do if you won the lottery?' asked Pam. Divorce Norman,' replied Nicola, quick as a flash. She bit vigorously into a doughnut and the strawberry filling oozed out.

Pam chuckled, but with an empathetic nod. Norman' s not that bad, is he?'

The two couples had been friends for years, but Pam knew that nobody really knew what went on in a marriage, except the people concerned.

Nicola wiped jam and sugar from around her mouth. Not really, except he' s really grumpy and just gets on my nerves most of the time.'

Tell me about it!' agreed Pam. Paul' s just the same. Never wants to do anything, squashes all my bright ideas. It' s like living under a permanent rain cloud.'

If I say anything about it he accuses me of moaning or nagging him.'

Same here. I' m the classic Whingeing Winnie, apparently. It' s a relief to get away from him for a morning for our regular coffee shop catch up.'

Too right. Thank goodness they' ve still got the oomph to go round the DIY department together, otherwise we' d never get this time together to talk about them.'

Nicola sighed again. Anyway, why did you ask?' Her eyes widened. You' ve not won the lottery, have you, Pam?'

No such luck. But it' s nice to dream sometimes. Too much reality gets you down.' Pam slurped her latte thoughtfully.

Well, I' d divorce Norman, sell up, and get a nice little cottage somewhere in the middle of nowhere and grow flowers and keep chickens.'

Sounds idyllic,' Pam said dreamily. I' d probably do the same. I' ve always fancied a donkey and before you say it, let me say it for you I know, I married one!' We could divorce them anyway,' suggested Nicola.

Don' t think I haven' t considered it! But it wouldn' t be worth the hassle. Once the money had been split, there wouldn' t be enough to buy a shoebox, let alone a cottage with a garden.'

And a paddock for Neddy don' t forget Neddy! But I know what you mean. We' ve often said,' Nicola chuckled, that we' d be better off financially if one of us was dead!'

Their eyes met across the café table.

Social distancing was still in operation and other people were interested only in their own conversations, but Pam lowered her voice to a hissed whisper. If this was a film, we' d agree to murder each other' s husband.'

You have to be strangers for that to work. Don' t you? Otherwise the police would work out the connection.

We' d be bound to get someone like Columbo investigating.'

We' d just have to make it look like a coincidence.'

She screwed her face up in concentration. Say if we were all together at the time, and say there was an accident. We' d be each other' s witness and even Columbo couldn' t break us. Then we' d have enough money to buy a really lovely place together and be happy and contented and free for the rest of our lives.'

Nicola leaned back in her chair and grinned. Sounds wonderful. Dare we do it, Pam?'

If we don' t we' ll end up regretting it. I reckon everyone deserves to be happy, rather than be saddled with a miserable grump. So what about this? What if the four of us all go on a day trip to Cromer cliffs? Picture the scene we take a picnic, with plenty of wine! Stand up, admire the sea view, and¼ whoops, we stumble, the men grab us to prevent an accident, and over the edge they go instead.

Nicola snorted, laughing and shocked at the same time. Fantastic, but wouldn' t they guess we were up to something though?'

Of course not! Paul and I used to be on the same wavelength, but that was eons ago. Not any more.'

We were the same once upon a time. So close, we used to finish each other' s sentences. Sad really.'

A couple of figures looming up caught Nicola' s eye. Shh, here they come.'

All right, ladies?' smiled Norman.

Paul helped Pam from her chair.

The women exchanged surprised glances. Their husbands looked very chirpy for once. But just before they could announce their day trip plan, Norman spoke.

You two are always moaning we never do anything, so we' ve just had a fantastic idea.'

Paul nodded. We' re going to take you two for a lovely picnic up on Cromer cliffs

I reckon everyone deserves to be happy, rather than be saddled with a miserable grump