Stars in her eyes

Laura needed help, and her mother-in-law was just the person

Laura leant against her mother-in-law' s door, her heart rattling against her ribs, her emotions a whirling maelstrom.

She' d had a bad night' s sleep due to the rotten new neighbours next door, playing rock music into the early hours. Her two kids deciding the impromptu concert deserved an apt response, got up and started dancing round the lounge.

Her husband finally complained to number four and then herded them off to bed, but about three hours later, dawn had broken.

They' d all woken up cranky, snapping and snarling. She rechristened her youngest: Stop-doingthat.' While her eldest became: Please-stopgrumbling.'

She renamed her husband: What' s-that-look-for?'

Laura needed a sanctuary, but her own parents had disappeared on a cruise, and her best friend had a new man and couldn' t be disturbed under any circumstances.

So here she stood. Maybe advice from an untapped source might be a good idea?

After she rang the bell, Alice appeared in seconds. A robust, no-nonsense type, tact often eluded her.

Look at the state of you!' Yes, I know I look horrible. I was up half the night because of the neighbours and the kids messing about. Apart from that, Emma' s uptight because of her upcoming exams. Noah isn' t helping by calling her a swot and arguing all the time.

Meanwhile, Dean' s manager' s started asking him to do loads of overtime and he simply won' t say no. Oh, and while my job at the shop is great, my journey to get there is ridiculous.

Then there' s the house, which really needs a proper clean, if only we had the time. On top of that¼'

Alice held up her hand to signal a pause. I think you' d better come in.'

Inside her neat little bungalow, Alice entered the lounge where her husband sat, his feet up, watching the Saturday morning news.

We' ll be in the kitchen. Knock before you come in,' she instructed like a sergeant major telling her troops a court martial would ensue if they broke protocol.

Her other half nodded without a word as Alice steered Laura into the country kitchen, where gingham curtains hung, and furniture as solid as the woman herself stood on legs equally as sturdy.

I' m after a bit of advice,' said Laura, although she could hardly believe the words exiting her mouth as she slouched into a chair.

She' d always found Alice too intimidating to approach before. I mean, you brought up three kids of your own,' she continued, and you still seem¼ relatively sane.'

Alice, busying herself setting the kettle on to boil, pivoted as neatly as a dancer.

Laura shifted uneasily under her piercing gaze. She patted down her ratty hair and brushed at a stain on her jeans.

Well, I' m guessing you must be desperate if you came to me. You never have before.'

Yes, well,' Laura heaved out another mournful sigh. The advice I' ve taken elsewhere isn' t exactly working. I have three different versions at least of how to deal with the kids, how to deal with the house and how to have a happy marriage.

I' ve implemented quiet time and the naughty step over the years. I' ve tried cooking in batches and making lists of chores. I' ve tried sitting the kids down and asking them how their day went at school. I asked

Yes, I know I look horrible. I was up half the night because of the neighbours and the kidsÕ