Child' s play

Patsy knew she had the power over her mum. But would she use it?

We were standing and staring at each other in the park, me and Josh on one side, two strangers on the other.

I was 12 at the time and my brother was 14.

The other two must have been about the same age.

Josh, Patsy, this is Toby and Hannah,' said our mum.

She was smiling from ear to ear, well pleased with herself.

Alan, the man she' d been seeing for four months, was also smiling at his pair of offspring.

There' s nothing worse than when your mother starts dating after a divorce.

We' d been lectured all the way down in the car about meeting Alan' s family for the first time.

Be polite. Be nice to his kids. This is about my future happiness. You' ll leave home one day, then what will happen to me?'

Mum did lay it on a bit thick. She also possessed the most abominable taste in men. I mean who thinks litter-picking is a fun summer' s day out?

What a kill-joy!

He even supplied sacks and those litter-picking sticks with plastic heads, so we wouldn' t have to touch a packet or a can.

He wants to teach you a sense of responsibility and how to appreciate the wonders of nature,' Mum said.

Not that the park exactly teemed with nature.

The odd squirrel, fat on discarded chips, and a few magpies out to fight them for every soggy bit of batter, about summed it up.

Hi. Hello.' We four kids muttered at each other.

I think we all had awful visions of a blended family

getting crammed under the same roof, whether we liked it or not.

Shall we start?' Alan, a tall bloke with a shiny, sunburnt head pointed towards some

chocolate wrappers.

He swung his arm about my mum, then guided her off so they could have a private chat.

Maybe they intended to start handing out points to whoever tried the hardest to become best buddies.

Meanwhile, us kids stared at each other for a bit longer, then my brother frowned.

Does your dad make you do this a lot?' he asked.

Hannah and her little brother shared a glance.

We did it with Rita and her kids last year,' Hannah said. I hate all this¼ I hate the way Dad says: You want me to be happy, don' t you?º

Yeah, Mum does that,' I replied. Like she' s miserable with just us two. Sorry, about your mum by the way, dying and all that.'

We don' t want a replacement,' said Toby, before his dad interrupted.

Come on kids,' he called. Get picking!'

We don' t want another bossy dad,' my brother admitted with a scowl.

I have to say my own future happiness felt paramount. I liked my room and I liked our street.

Mum always said if she met somebody, she' d move to get away from bad memories.

Charming! She gave birth to me in her bedroom.

You know, sometimes I think she deserved it when we acted up.

I reached towards a chocolate wrapper with my litter-picker, a plan forming in my head.

You know what we need to do?' I whispered to our new cohorts. We need to argue. That' ll put them off. They' ll rethink this entire thing, then we can get back to normal.'

Hannah, a very pretty girl, chewed at her lip and nodded.

What do you have in mind?' We casually litter-picked for a while, Hannah with my brother and me with Toby.

Aren' t you at my school?' he asked. I' m in Mrs Thomson' s class.'

My form teacher' s Mr Crew.' Do you think Mrs Brown' s a psychopath?'

He meant the head. Oh yes, definitely,' I giggled. Though I don' t think she' s actually murdered anybody yet.'

Oh I bet she has!' he grinned. Do you like skateboards?'

I' ve got one at home. We could meet up sometime.' Yeah. Sure. OK.'

He seemed really nice. He asked about my trainers next.

He laughed. I laughed over lots of things, then I thumped him on the arm and he whacked me back. Not hard, more of a tap.

I did glare at him for holding back. I wrestled with my brother on a regular basis. He said it' d help if I ever got bullied. I had told Toby all of that.

M-u-u-u-u-m!' I managed to get my scream to reach at least an E sharp. He hit me!'

At the other side of the park at the same time, Hannah tackled my brother to the grass, then aimed her picking stick at him. You say that again and I' ll throw you in the bin!' she yelled.

I considered at this point, things were going great.

Alan and Mum would know for sure that if they got together, it' d be like running a zoo.

What' s going on?' Alan marched over. You two behave,' he snapped at me and Toby. And you two, stop it!' he yelled over to Josh and Hannah.

My brother, primed for this intervention, called back the classic: You can' t tell me what to do you' re not my dad.'

Mum got involved. Don' t speak to Alan like that, Josh. You litter-pick with Toby now. Girls, you stay together.'

They are getting so wound up,' Hannah whispered to me after she ran over and Toby hurried off to join Josh.

Alan and my mum stood back like two referees making sure we behaved.

I just want to say something¼' Hannah picked up a Coke can with ease and shoved it in her plastic sack. I' ve really got nothing against your mum. I bet she' s lovely. It' s just I' ll always prefer ours.'

That' s OK, I get it. Is your dad nice?'

Yes, he just comes over as a bit of an idiot sometimes. He always tries too hard. He wants to look in control. He sobbed for weeks when

Mum died¼ We all did.

Now he always thinks he has to do everything alone and look after everybody. Honestly, like we can' t use the washing machine or turn the oven on. He always moans about us not doing anything, but when we try, he takes over.'

Mum' s like that.' I gave a shrug, picking up a cigarette packet and putting it in my bag. She' s always yelling at my dad down the phone lately as well. I do sometimes wonder how she would have been if he' d¼ You know, died instead.'

Hannah chewed at her lip again. It seemed to be a habit of hers.

I suppose dying' s worse than arguing¼ or maybe not. Maybe it' s just different.'

I had no idea of the truth of her statement.

I' m not sure she did either.

Then she gave me a little shove, so

I shoved her back.

Stop it!

Stop it!' I

Be polite. T his is about my future happiness. YouÕ ll leave home one day, then what will happen to me?Õ

yelled dramatically. Meantime Josh clearly thought Toby needed to learn wrestling to cope with bullies too.

Kids, that' s enough!' Alan wailed. Right, that does it, hand back your litter-picking equipment.'

We all grinned inwardly, trying to keep the glee off our faces.

It' s lunchtime, let' s go and have something to eat,' Mum said. Maybe that will keep you out of trouble.'

We sat on the benches outside a pub while Mum and Alan went inside to fetch drinks. He didn' t hold her hand as I suspected he normally would, and she looked at everything except his stern, grave face.

You could see the ice forming between them.

I think it' s working,' I said to my co-conspirators. I think if we carry on, we really could split them up. I bet they' re arguing now over who has the worst kids.'

Even as I spoke, my insides curdled.

OK, good job,' said Josh, trying and failing to sound steely and determined.

Great!' Hannah' s smile didn' t reach her eyes.

Brilliant,' tagged on Toby in a dull monotone.

It struck me suddenly how much power we possessed. We were junior gods sitting at that table. If we succeeded, Mum would never get all excited again, pacing about waiting for Alan to ring.

She' d never get dressed up and sing to herself as she applied mascara.

She' d look after us instead. She' d walk about blank-faced like she did when Dad left, then sit up with the bills and a glass a wine until one in the morning.

If I ever did have a sister,

I' d like one like you,' I said to Hannah.

She smiled and bumped my shoulder with hers, in a nice way for once.

Me too, and if I ever had an older brother, you' d be all right,' she told Josh.

He leant into Toby. I' d like somebody to go fishing with.'

You go fishing?' Toby' s eyes bugged out. I' ve always wanted to do that.'

I suppose Alan would be OK to have around as well,' I decided. So long as we' d never have to call him Dad.'

Well, your mum would be all right, too,' Hannah said. But our mum will always be the best.'

Josh stared at the knotty wood of the table. Do you think we ought to ease back a bit? I' m not keen on this to be honest. We really could do it, couldn' t we? We could drive them apart.'

We glanced at each other. Right OK,' I said. Plan B?'

We put our heads together, yammering away and giggling. It wasn' t actually too hard to get along.

I told Toby I' d see him at school, and Hannah told

Josh he could help her with maths. He' s shocking at English, so she offered to help with his punctuation.

We all saw Mum and Alan returning with drinks on trays Mum' s face all flushed, while Alan resembled a corpse. They' d definitely faced some cold, hard facts while ordering.

They say true love can conquer anything, expect maybe four squabbling brats?

When they clocked us getting on, the pair shared a look. I' ll never forget it. It was one of pure relief. Mum even wiped her eyes.

Then Alan gave her a big, wide grin and she grinned back. You could see the love between them.

They make a fabulous couple, I told myself.

Mum was right, this isn' t all about us.

I think now would be a good time to confess that our day of litter-picking happened years ago.

Half a lifetime, in fact.

I do have step-siblings these days. I can' t imagine life without Hannah or Toby.

The point being, nowadays I' m the one who likes to drink wine, doomed to sit with the bills until one in the morning. I' m the one destined to walk about slack-faced. The one standing in the hall, rehearsing how to tell my 13- and 11-year-old, a tale from my childhood.

Kids never ask about what their parents got up to, do they? You have to tell them when it comes in useful.

Come on,' I urged myself as I took a step inside the lounge. Hi kids.'

One grunted while staring at his phone the other made a Huh!' noise, while painting her nails baby-pink.

OK, listen up. At the weekend I thought we' d go litter-picking with Graham and his two children. They' re about your age.'

My eldest curled his lip. Litter-picking?'

What the heck?' My youngest wrinkled her nose.

Yes, it' s traditional. You have to get all the rubbish out of the way before you can start again. I do have a story to tell along those lines.'

My kids would come first if it all went to hell. I' d put their happiness before mine.

Yes, I' d realised lately how much like my mother I was. That' s why I literally crossed my fingers.

OK, listen up. Imagine

I' m 12 and a tiny bit selfobsessed. It' s our litterpicking day with your nan and your future grandad. We stood in the park, me and your uncle Josh on one side, two complete strangers on the other¼

Kids can have so much influence, can' t they?

Now I needed to do my best to make sure my little deities used their power wisely and with compassion

or perhaps simply using it with love, would do?

ÔIÕ m not keen on this to be honest. We really could do it, couldnÕ t we? We could drive them apart