Party Mishaps

Was Jane heading for another faux pas?

What are you wearing to the party?’ Stella asked.

‘I haven’t given it much thought,’ Jane replied.

It was her first outing as a single woman instead of being one half of a married couple, plus she was living in a new town.

Jane didn’t have much luck with parties — she always got something wrong.

‘You might meet someone…’

‘I’m off men,’ Jane said. ‘They’re a waste of space.’

‘They have their uses!’ ‘Yes, like decorating nurseries for their pregnant girlfriends.’

Stella looked horrified.

‘Is that why your relationship ended?’

Until now, Jane had refused to talk about the end of her five-year marriage.

Walking away had been easy — the flat she’d shared with Jim was rented, her job was dead-end. She’d simply blotted out her feelings for him and moved on.

Her mum accused her of running away, but what did she know? She didn’t have to suffer sympathetic glances from knowing neighbours, or the mutterings behind her back at work.

But now, six months into singledom and a new life in a new town, she wanted to talk about it.

‘I’d suspected Jim was having an affair. He kept disappearing to help a girl who lived nearby,’ Jane began. ‘He denied having an affair, though, reckoned he was just helping with some DIY. I’d never even met Fiona — I worked long hours and rarely saw any of my neighbours.

‘Anyway, one night, Jim didn’t come home for dinner, so I went round and banged on Fiona’s door. They were slapping pink emulsion on the walls of the box room, her bump visible. Goodness knows when he was going to tell me…’

‘Wow, I can understand why you’re off men,’ Stella said. ‘But they’re not all like Jim, you might meet one to change your mind...’

Jane doubted it.

Her aim was to survive Cassie’s party without making herself look stupid — she had a history of doing that.

Once, for a Halloween party, assuming it was fancy-dress Jane had hired a witch’s outfit — only to find everybody else huddled around a bonfire in old jeans and sweatshirts.

Then she’d misread an invitation to a 70th birthday party, and thought it was a Seventies theme night.

She’d worn flares and glam-rock glitter while the other women wore cocktail dresses and pearls.

She was hopeless with gifts too, giving chocolates to someone on a strict diet and flowers to a friend with a pollen allergy.

Jim mocked her errors for months afterwards, dined out on the stories, and made her feel stupid.

In the end, she just stayed at home. They never went out socially unless it was a trip to the cinema.

But Jim got sick of staying in, and with so much time on his hands, developed a passion for DIY — but not in their flat…

Jane blamed herself for the break-up. If she’d laughed at her mistakes, maybe they’d still be together.

But some of Jim’s comments were cruel and belittling, and then he started nit-picking and starting rows over nothing, so maybe not.

‘It’s all in the past now,’ she muttered. ‘And nobody here knows about my party mishaps.’

After listening to descriptions of what everybody else was wearing, Jane bought skinny jeans and a stretchy top.

Knowing nothing about booze, she popped into the local off-licence to buy some wine, selecting a couple of bottles at random from the shelves.

‘You can’t go wrong with these,’ the assistant said. ‘They’re our two most popular brands.’

It was music to Jane’s ears.

He wrapped the bottles in tissue paper, as if they were the finest champagne, and packed them in a glossy carrier bag.

At last, it was party time.

She’d taken her new clothes into work for approval. The girls loved them.

She’d double-checked the date on the invitation, and the cab driver assured her he knew the address.

As Jane exited the taxi, she could hear music.

She was deliberately early, as arriving late and making an entrance wasn’t her style. This way, she could get a seat and stay in the background.

Cassie let her in, wet hair dripping down her back.

‘Hi, Jane, you look great.’ In the living room, Jane noticed a couple of handsome males who introduced themselves as Connor and Pete.

Jane smiled confidently. She was picking up good vibes — everything was going to be fine.

And Stella was right, blokes did have their uses.

Picking up a corkscrew, she wandered over to Connor and handed him a bottle of wine. ‘Could you open this for me, please?’ ‘My pleasure.’

After ripping off the gold paper covering the top of the bottle, Connor unscrewed the cap, handed it back to her, and laughed.

Jane couldn’t believe it — another party error!

But as Connor smiled and poured the wine into a glass, it didn’t seem to matter.

Her aim was to survive Cassie’s party without making herself look stupid