I must voice disapproval at the fakers of accents
A posh **** punter at a recent gig urged me to “speak properly” as he “couldn’t understand me”. I pointed out that the rest of the audience members were laughing, so it wasn’t my accent that was the problem – rather it was his IQ!
Yet it got me thinking…
Why, in certain contexts, do Geordies try to ‘taaalk posh’? Be it Chris Waddle in a telly interview or your pretentious aunty on the phone to the council. (Thinks she’s Jesmond but oozes Jarra.’ )
Aye, there’s nowt more ridiculous than hearing a Geordie ‘Mrs Bucket’ trying to sound ‘better’ – especially when it’s done do badly!
Me mate’s dad was another one – he sounded like an Alexa that was made in Ashington!
On entering his house you were virtually guaranteed a classic quote ; one night he popped his head round his living room door and beamed: “Good evening gentilmin, y’knaa – whey not sit doon on the cooch and re-lay-ex. Wor Kevin be doon presently ,y’knaa!’
We just sniggered and stared at him in disbelief, like a he was a Barnard Castle sight test or we’d spotted Mike Ashley waving a Wor Flags banner at Saturday’s Arsenal game (2-0 – come on the Toon!)
Just be yourself, man!
A regional accent does not stop you from being articulate and engaging, whilst some of the biggest cobblers ever spoken has been delivered in BBC ‘received pronunciation or the drawl of the upper classes. (See Bojo’s brazen denials of his lockdown non-party house parties.)
That said, I am deeply embarrassed by the low-rent Jeremy Kyle-style wassocks of who delight in inarticulate foul-mouthed grunting in public .
I would bet the great legion of past North East orators, engineers, inventors, performers and writers would be spinning in their graves like turbines at the cultural betrayal of such ignorant lowrents.
There is nothing more empowering than hearing a powerful, articulate creative message being delivered in a gentle Geordie lilt. Champion!
As I said, a regional twang doesn’t stop you from being lucid and articulate – Sam Fender sings the most powerful, sublime and emotionally literate songs without losing an ounce of his Geordie soul.
Equally ridiculous, however, is the situation when upper-middle folk ,such as ever-guilt-ridden Jesmondistas try to dial it down and go all Byker Grove. When a kid who is so posh it’s almost a medical condition peppers his or her conversation with dialect words a such ‘mate’ or ‘canny ‘ it’s a verbal car crash .
It’s usually when cultures collide, such as when a Home Counties student is being attended by a local in a shop or bar. Thank god the uppity aunty wasn’t serving. Imagine if they were all trying too hard.
“Good morrow young jintlemin, div yeez perchance require any condiments with yon veeegan sausage rooooll?”
‘Oh gosh, em, OK ya, that’ll be most, erm , geet lush, erm, radgie bestie. Ya, erm, I mean , ta mate.”