In Praise of Marriage
Trial marriages, sham marriages, equal marriage, civil marriage, cultural marriages – marriage now seems to come in all shapes and sizes. So I must be clear. This article is about real marriage. In National Marriage Week (the two Sundays either side of Valentine’s Day) I come to praise marriage, not to redefine it.
It is possible to take marriage at its worst or most complicated and conclude that it has had its day. However, the wrong use of something does not preclude or militate against its good and proper use. That marriage has been tried or thought hard or wanting is no argument for its abandonment or change. For all its history this country has received marriage as the unique and distinctive union between one man and one woman for life. This has been its ancient legal definition. Marriage has been understood and experienced in this way socially, culturally and spiritually for aeons and for good reasons in our country. However, in the face of many novel and essentially individualist alternatives or adaptations, it is time to stand up for real marriage and champion it afresh for the blessing and flourishing of society.
Marriage creates an inimitable partnership or synergy between equal and opposite. It is this communion of man and woman that expresses the richest dynamic of human love. It also generates the necessary depth and range of love that a child needs. Children need not only that unique union of male and female love, but also the distinctive strength and beauty of their complementarity.
Naturally, this views the marriage relationship at its best. Some would argue that that will always remain an ideal, and perhaps unattainable for the majority. However, only when marriage is undertaken and aspired to at its highest can it shine and deliver. In secular terms, this is expressed by the absoluteness of the legal declarations and vows. They still talk of total giving and commitment, of life-long and exclusive loyalty and sharing, and of the realism of ‘for better for worse’. It is only through the total commitment of two who are equal and opposite that something more than simply the sum of the parts can be created.
In more explicit Christian terms, this ideal is referenced to the love of God and the Spirit of God and the truth that without them such love may prove elusive. In their equal, but different ways husbands and wives are to aspire to the love of God in Christ, but equally to recognise that, more than just the example, they need the in-Spiration of God tr uly to love.
It was the wedding of Prince William and Kate where we heard that ‘Holy Matrimony signifies the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church’. Behind all relationships lies the primal relationship with God ‘for whom we were made’. The marriage of a man and a woman is created to image that relationship and to enjoy the selfless giving and receiving of love that Christ and his Bride share. Marriage is a vocation in which the man uniquely reflects Christ’s sacrificial servant-leadership and the woman equally distinctively the Church’s responsive devotion and service. It is in the brilliant complementarity of their union that they model true love, within the human and divine household and in witness and blessing to the world.
In each generation children need parents to model adult life and ‘maturity of love’. They need men to be real men: God-ward, loving, servant-hearted, adventurous, not abrogating their maturity or responsibility. They need women to be real women: deep and confident, richly creative and nurturing of others, not pretending or trying to be men. Vive la difference, and I might add vive l’union. This understanding of love is profoundly Christian, but it is not religious. It is for all and for all ages. Marriage is marriage is marriage. It does not need alternatives or redefining. Real marriage calls people to lose themselves and aspire to real love. In a world that has lost confidence or even sight of such love, real marriage needs champions and a campaign of celebration.