If you’ll pardon the expression...

ELECTION SPEAK – so what does it really mean? All is revealed…

AJOCKALYPSE NOW: The effect of Scottish people voting while part of the United Kingdom. See also Chaos. ALEX SALMOND: Who? AUSTERITY, ANTI: Embarrassing relation trying to tell you what to do with your pocket money.

BARNETT FORMULA: Nicola Sturgeon’s hairspray.

BLACKMAIL: More than one party working together for the good of the nation.

BRAIN FADE: Permanent state in the world of Nigel Farage.

CHAOS: Inevitable outcome of Scottish people voting.

CONFIDENCE & SUPPLY: Making it up as you go along.

EDSTONE: As Frank N Furter from the Rocky Horror Show almost sang: “Come up to the Lab and see what’s on the slab.” EUROPE: See also Hokey Cokey. FIXED TERM PARLIAMENT: Except if there’s a second election before Christmas.

FUNDILY MUNDILY: As close as Jim Murphy gets to talking sense.

HELL, YES: Or north of the border, mibees naw…

HUNG: What the parliament might be and what many think certain politicians should be.

LEGITIMACY: The contention that all politicians are not, er, illegitimate.

MILIFANS: Labour members going in One Direction. MINORITY: The next government. PIERS DOUGHTY-BROWN: A man who sounds as if he’s strayed into the wrong party.

PLUCKY: The only time Nick Clegg is ever likely to use a word with “lucky” in it.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE: All out of step but our Jock. See also Chaos.

PUMPED UP: David Cameron learns how to roll up his own sleeves.

SHAMBLES: Anything but first past the post. See also Chaos.

SURGIN’ STURGEON/ STURGEONATOR: Woman who knows her job.

TRUST: What? Whom? Why? How? When? Ever?