The Courier & Advertiser (Fife Edition)
Louis back in ideal territory probing the unusual
LOUIS THEROUX’S ALTERED STATES Sunday, BBC One I’LL GET THIS Tuesday, BBC Two
Polyamory, or ethical nonmonogamy, is the practice of pursuing multiple romantic relationships with the consent of all those involved. An unusual practice? For most people, certainly, but it’s becoming more widespread on the fringes of society.
Ideal territory, then, for the nation’s favourite interlocutor. In episode one of his latest series, LOUIS THEROUX’S ALTERED STATES, he visited liberal Portland, Oregon to meet various polyamorous – made-up word alert – thrupples.
Naturally, he wondered if they ever felt pangs of insecurity and jealously. If you fall in love with someone else, does that necessarily mean you’ve fallen out of love with your current partner? It was all rather complicated.
Heidi and Jerry opened up their marriage 12 years ago. After suffering from post-natal depression, Heidi reached out to another man, Joe, who has a wife and kids. Jerry, who doesn’t have another partner, considers him part of the family. He said he accepted this arrangement for the sake of Heidi’s happiness (a core facet of polyamory is enjoying the pleasure your partner derives from other lovers).
“There’s no victim,” Heidi told Theroux, “we’re all quite happy.” Their daughter certainly seemed un-phased, but is Jerry really happy? It was difficult to tell. Theroux and Joe’s wife, Gretchen, agreed that Jerry is inscrutable. When Theroux asked him if he was lonely, Jerry denied it. He certainly looked quite forlorn from where I was sitting.
One thing he did admit to was his willingness to try a menage a trois. Heidi looked genuinely shocked. “I’ve honestly never thought about it,” she gasped.
Meanwhile, and I hope you’re keeping up with this, Gretchen told Theroux that their situation works because Joe and Heidi (who she refers to as “mama”) are more sexually compatible. She did, however, admit that she and Joe were having problems.
This tangled situation seemed to support Theroux’s concern that some people will inevitably get hurt in polyamorous relationships. While visiting a trio of cohabiting hipsters – two female, one male – it gradually became clear that Mattius, the father of AJ’s child, was uncomfortable with her new relationship with another man. He couldn’t bring himself to admit that, but Theroux’s perceptive line of questioning gently exposed his anxieties.
That’s what Theroux does so well, and he was on particularly sensitive form here. Typically non-judgmental, he gradually developed an understanding of why some people choose a polyamorous lifestyle. It isn’t frivolous, it meets significant emotional needs. For instance, one of the women he met has depression and anxiety. Her relationship with two men gives her, in Theroux’s words, “a double portion of love and support.”
Ever wondered what would happen if you crossed First Dates with a parlour game? Well wonder no more, as here’s I’LL GET THIS.
It involves five celebs – Rylan ClarkNeil, Anton du Beke, Ed Gamble, Ellie Taylor and Carol Vorderman in episode one – going out for dinner together. When they arrive at the swanky restaurant, they must place their credit cards in the middle of the table and play a series of games. If they win a round, they retrieve their card. Whoever hasn’t retrieved their card by the end must pay for the entire meal.
It’s a harmless piece of nothing much, a genial time-passer, but it would benefit hugely from the involvement of genuinely entertaining people such as, say, Bob Mortimer or Danny Baker. Otherwise it just feels like eavesdropping on a pleasant yet essentially quite banal conversation at an unusually star-studded restaurant.