Bacon: The Achilles heel of aspiring vegan morality

We’ve just emerged from World Meat Free Week, so I’ve been thinking about meat and meat-related subjects. Yes, that means I’m thinking about bacon. I have a funny relationship with veganism. I respect the values of people who don’t want animals to be involved in what they eat, and I would love to share those values, but then I get a tiny whiff of the scent of bacon and my resolve disintegrates like a cheap bean burger. I have this vegan friend who says I just don’t care enough, adding that he has better morals than I do, and he’s right. I want to eat animals and, while I do so, I easily set aside thoughts of the practices that take place in abattoirs.

But I frequently eat vegan food and, bizarrely, I feel guilty about it. It’s convenient for me, you see,

because I’m lactose-intolerant and a vegan restaurant is the only place I can be absolutely certain the food won’t make me ill. So I feel a bit bad that these principled people have gone to so much trouble to develop a menu that doesn’t hurt living things, and here comes the fat, bacon-scented man to stuff most of it into his otherwise-carnivorous gob.

Still, being a part-time vegan is a thing now. It’s good for your health, because it encourages us to eat more foods that are low in fat but high in nutrients, like good old-fashioned fruit and veg. It also encourages us to think more about what we eat, and thinking usually means better judgment calls. Grabbing something in a hurry makes a high-fat diet more likely.

Then there’s the environmental aspect. Experts agree the easiest way to reduce our impact on the planet is to eat less meat, because of the way meat is farmed. One study last year showed meat and dairy provide just 18% of our calories but use 83% of the world’s farmland and produce 60% of agriculture’s greenhouse gas emissions.

All of this leads me to a difficult conclusion. While we were sneering at their haircuts, the sprout chompers developed a plan to benefit the human race. Painfully, I must admit that vegans were right… about everything except bacon.

Ooh, I love bacon.

The sprout-chompers developed a plan to benefit the human race...