No more pretending, no more making excuses. Whatever the future held, he would deal with it

Isabella looked at Billy. “Annie’s had a letter from Lexie saying that she’s going to be married to a Canadian pilot and it looks like they’ll be going to live in Canada.”

Billy’s eyes searched the darkening sky. “Not Lexie as well as Euan,” he said more to himself than to Isabella. “Exactly,” she said, “she’s living with me and John just now, until she’s strong enough to go home but I don’t know if we’re going to be enough.”

Billy waited. “She needs to be loved again,” Isabella said, evenly. “She needs you.”

Billy stopped in his tracks. “Did she say that?” he asked disbelief in his voice.

“No, she didn’t,” Isabella replied, “but there’s no one else but you who can bring some light back into her life. Question is, can you do it?”

“May I call and see her when she’s stronger?” Billy asked immediately.

Isabella smiled for the first time. “I’ll let you know when to visit.”

She knew she was taking a huge risk by speaking with Billy Dawson as she did but Lexie didn’t deserve to be laden with guilt just when she’d found love in her own life.

If Billy was half the man she thought he was, he’d find a way to bring the colour back to Annie’s cheeks. Grievances Josie had been nursing her grievances, real and imagined, for two hours since her husband left and was ready for Billy when he returned.

“Well,” she said sharply, “has your precious lodge burned down then?”

Billy frowned. “Is that supposed to be a serious question?” he asked, draping his jacket over the back of a chair and foraging in the pocket for his cigarettes.

Josie put down her knitting. “No, Billy,” she said, “but I have a serious question and I’d appreciate if you’d give me a serious answer.”

Billy sat down and lit his cigarette. His wife usually accepted the status quo regarding the lodge but now...

“Fire away,” he said, his good mood dissipating into the tense atmosphere that surrounded Josie.

“Do you love me?” she asked, her eyes never leaving his face.

Billy hesitated too long. “I thought as much,” Josie muttered, darkly, “ever since Euan MacPherson died, you’ve been itching to get back with that Annie Melville woman. Haven’t you?”

Billy knew that his only reply had to be the truth. “Yes.”

Josie froze, this wasn’t the answer she had been looking for at all. She’d wanted Billy to deny he had feelings for the woman, as he usually did but instead, he’d said yes.

Anger and fear flared in her eyes. “So, you admit it,” she screamed, “I’ve been right all along about you and her, haven’t I?”

There was no turning back now. “Yes,” Billy said again, relief washing over him that, at last, his love for Annie was out in the open.

Josie slumped back in her chair, Billy had confirmed what she’d always known. He didn’t love her, he loved Annie Melville.

Billy knew there was no going back now. Even if Annie rejected him, his life with Josie was over. Set in stone “I’m sorry,” he said, “I’ll find somewhere to stay tonight and come back tomorrow for some things, if that’s all right?”

Josie said nothing, her face set in stone. After all these years, Annie Melville had won and she had lost.

Billy closed the door quietly. He didn’t know where he would go that night but it didn’t matter. The sense of freedom was euphoric.

No more pretending, no more making excuses. Whatever the future held, he would deal with it.

Images of Josie filtered through to his brain. All she’d ever done was love him and this was the way he treated her.

A shimmer of guilt grew into a wave and he determined he would make sure she didn’t suffer financially and the girls would be told their mother wasn’t at fault, especially Sarah, who’d always saw him as infallible.

He walked though the dark city, his shoes sounding louder in his ears the further he walked, until he found himself outside the church in the Nethergate, where he’d found solace all those years ago when he’d came back from the Great War, shell-shocked and broken.

A door was open and Billy stepped inside. Two tall candles burned in the gloom and as Billy’s eyes adjusted he saw a figure kneeling at the altar.

Billy cleared his throat as the figure stood up, turned and came towards him.

“Can I help?” the old clergyman said. “I think I need to talk,” Billy said, “and maybe confess.” The clergyman nodded. “The Lord is always listening,” he said simply.

The two men sat side by side in one of the pews while Billy told his story.

“So, I can’t live a lie anymore,” he finished, “but my decision has caused much hurt for my wife and probably my daughters. But the other woman needs me now and I can’t turn away from her.”

“You’ve put yourself on a hard road,” the clergyman said to him, smiling. “Only the Lord knows what’s in your heart and He’ll guide you in truth and love if you let Him.”

Billy knew then that there would be no easy answers.

“I will pray for you all and may God go with you,” he said, disappearing back down the aisle to the altar.

Billy spent the rest of the night on a bench at Magdalen Green, watching the river’s relentless flow into the North Sea and by the time the first streaks of dawn had appeared, he felt calm and ready to face the future, whatever it held.

Peace

For the first time in weeks, Annie slept soundly, whether from exhaustion or feeling safe in Isabella’s home, she didn’t know but when morning came, she felt some peace had returned to her heart.

Isabella was bustling about her kitchen when Annie came down.

“Annie,” Isabella said, “you’re looking better already. Now come and sit down and have some scrambled eggs and toast, one of John’s friends keeps a few hens and hands some eggs in every now and again.

“They look wonderful,” Annie said, her appetite awakening at the sight, “Are you sure, I’m not using up your own rations?”

Isabella tutted as she popped two slices of toasted bread into the toast rack. “Silly girl,” she said, smiling, “now eat up and when you’re finished. We can take a nice walk in the fresh air, get some colour back in those cheeks.” (More tomorrow.)