The Serial: The Pepper Girls At War Day 66

She had loved him so much then but what did she really feel now?

Billy’s lips tightened, this wasn’t the way he wanted Annie to know but now it was out, there was no turning back.

“And she’s told you I’ve left her,” he said, “and it’s all your fault,” he added grimly. Annie turned tearful eyes on Billy, searching for an explanation. She hadn’t done anything to hurt anyone, especially not Josie.

“I don’t understand,” she said, wiping the tears with her gloved hand. “I know,” Billy said, “and you shall understand but this isn’t the time or the place.”

He stood and came round the desk to her side, his eyes pleading for her patience. “I’ll explain everything tonight,” he said, “if you’ll let me come and see you. Please?”

Annie felt she had no choice. If she was going to hear what Billy had to say, she was going to have to agree. She nodded and left the room without another word. Lived a lie By the time Billy knocked at her door, Annie had calmed down.

She would listen to what he had to say and then he could go. “Thanks for seeing me Annie,” he said, removing his bonnet and waiting to be offered a seat.

Annie indicated a chair opposite from where she sat. “Please, just hear me out, before you judge me,” he said, sitting down and leaning forward to be nearer to her.

“I’ve lived a lie,” he said, quietly “for most of my life, in fact. First of all with Mary and then, when you married Euan, I turned to Josie.”

Annie felt herself bristle, “I don’t think we need bring Euan’s memory into this,” she said. Billy nodded. “I’m sorry,” he said, “but I need you to understand how it felt to see the one you love happy with someone else.”

Annie clasped her hands together. “I think I do, Billy,” she said evenly, remembering Mary’s letter “and I need you to know how it felt giving birth to your son in the poorhouse while you married my sister.”

Billy sat back in the chair. So there it was, the decision he had made all those years ago to marry Mary, pregnant and destitute and demanding he do right by her. “I didn’t know, Annie,” he said, passionately, “why didn’t you tell me?”

Annie looked at her hands, the memories flooding back through the years. “Because it was all too late for us,” she said, “the damage was done and nothing could undo it.”

“Until now,” Billy said simply. He reiterated his conversation with Josie. “She always knew I loved you” he said “and I won’t be going back to her, no matter what.”

He stood up to go. “So, now you know it all, Annie Pepper,” he said, “from the beginning to the end and through it all, I love you as much now as I did then.”

He pulled on his bonnet and withdrew an envelope from his pocket, placing it on the table beside Annie.

“Read it when I’ve gone,” he said, “then the choice is yours.”

She watched as he left the room and she heard the door close and his footsteps fade into nothingness. She opened the envelope. A boat ticket from Glasgow to Belfast fell out.

She read the note.

“I’m going to visit our son in Belfast, Annie. This ticket is for you to come with me. If you don’t use it, I’ll understand and I won’t bother you again but please, please come. Our son deserves both of us.”

A wet tear dropped onto the notepaper as she gazed at the words.

Would the past, with all its tears and human failings, be forgiven by her heart? The memory of Billy Dawson making love to her by the river while the flax waited to be harvested, settled in her soul. She had loved him so much then but what did she really feel now?

“What will I do, Euan?” Annie asked the stillness but there was no answer. Euan had gone.

Last meeting

Lexie arrived on Annie’s doorstep the day after her letter had, giving neither of them time to prepare for what could be their last meeting.

“But, I posted it days ago,” Lexie explained, looking around her home.

“It doesn’t matter,” Annie told her, “you’re here now so let’s make the most of our time together.”

Once Lexie had taken her bag through to her old bedroom, she joined her mother in the kitchen, who was making tea as usual.

“Are you happy for me?” she asked “marrying and going to Canada, I mean?”

Annie looked at her daughter and compared her to Nancy, with her three children and her hard life keeping the children fed and a roof over their heads.

Even with Billy Donnelly back by her side, their life was going to be one of a struggle to survive.

If Lexie stayed in Dundee, that could be her life too? Lexie had made the right choice to join the WAAF and it had been selfish of Annie to try to stop her and now, she was making the right choice again.

“Does this Bo make you happy?” Annie asked simply. Lexie nodded. “Very.” “Then your choice is simple. Go to Canada and marry the man.”

“But, what about you,” Lexie asked anxiously, “will you be all right?”

Annie hugged her daughter. “I’ll be fine,” she said, “and before you go, remind me to tell you something.”

Unsure

Lexie frowned. “Can’t you tell me now?” “No,” Annie replied, “like I said, before you go will be soon enough and, anyway, I think tomorrow we need to go and see Nancy’s new bairn.

“They’re calling him Kevin,” Annie said, changing the subject. “His dad says there was once a King Kevin in Ireland and that’s what he’s going to be when he’s grown.” Lexie giggled. “King Kevin,” she said, “I like it.” Nancy was a little unsure of Lexie at first but soon realised that she had her own life to think about and couldn’t care less about the past.

“Isn’t King Kevin beautiful,” Lexie whispered, at the sight of the newborn. One day, she and Bo would have their own little king, Lexie mused and she couldn’t wait.

“So, off to Canada,” Nancy said, trying to keep the envy out of her voice, as she cradled Kevin. “You always did do more than the rest of us,” she added, aware that her life had become a repeat of her mother’s.

“Just different,” said Lexie “and look at you with your lovely family.” (More on Monday.)