Wood must come back to deal with this rubbish

TODAY I watched England be really rubbish at bowling – except for Chris Woakes.

We were rubbish at the start; rubbish in the middle; rubbish at the end. Consistent, though.

Five of our seven bowlers went for over six an over, Woakes and Moeen Ali being the exceptions. Even then, Mo still did absolutely nothing – 0-33 off six overs on the Subcontinent, a spinner’s paradise?

In fact, I don’t know what half our attack do. Plunkett bowls sort of quick, picks up a couple of wickets and looks grizzled and northern.

Jake Ball is tall – like a Lidl Stuart Broad. Ben Stokes can occasionally do Ben Stokes things, but is mostly just expensive and angry at the world.

And is Moeen just here for his beard?

Come back Mark Wood, wherever the hell you are.

E. HERBERT via email