JUDITH WOODS PEOPLE WAT C H I N G

It’s a dog’s life – unless you happen to be the Beckhams’ dog, in which case you get a Louis Vuitton blanket

Here at People Watching we appreciate a nice spaniel. We appreciate a jaunty blanket. We really appreciate a muscular bicep. Put all three in the same photograph and the cognitive dissonance is nothing short of bewildering. Where to look? At the blanket, of course. It’s a limitededition £4,600 Louis Vuitton.

The bicep belongs to David Beckham, the throw belongs to Olive and the snapshot, well, that belongs to posterity. And how will posterity judge a man who tenderly wraps the family pet in a blanket that costs the same as a couple of 65in Ultra HD Samsung tellies?

Now we all love a snuggle on the sofa with the dog; those interspecies cuddles are one of the major reasons so many of us share our living space with so many charming waggy-tailed spongers. In my case toasty Nirvana is being sandwiched between two dogs under a pair of fleecy throws. As I am a normal person, however, they – the throws, not the dogs – come from Primark, not Louis Vuitton.

The thing about dog blankets is that they get a little whiffy, then a lot woofy, then they start to reek and need to be washed. Frequently.

They also get covered in dog hair and it doesn’t take Barbara Woodhouse to know that cocker spaniels are on the opposite end of the spectrum from a hypoallergenic cockapoo. So unless Olive has been pre-emptively waxed from the ears down by Victoria she’ll be shedding more hair over that Louis Vuitton than a branch of John Frieda.

Which leads me to idly wonder whether Posh knows David used the posh “dog blanket” on the actual dog?

Here in the real world we all have swanky versions of stuff in our homes. It’s ironic, really, given that we spent our teenage years sneering at our suburban parents for keeping everything from sherry glasses to the soup tureen for best, as though an extra serving of vichyssoise might wear it out.

These days it’s snowy napiery that only comes out at Christmas and the chichi Jo Malone candle kept in the cupboard below the cheapo Aldi lime, basil and mandarin one.

In our house we have posh dog leads we use for high days, holidays and to impress strangers on visits to National Trust properties, but as far as authenticity goes, we accept no pretentious imitations on the blanket front. Smelly is as smelly does.

Some people do, of course, spend a profligate amount of money on their pets and maybe the Beckhams – who have several other dogs – have expensive bedwear for each of them, which they assiduously dry-clean every few hours.

Given that canine influencer Olive has her own Instagram account with 70,000 followers, designer dog paraphernalia is probably a prerequisite of Living Your Best Life.

As indeed is the sensuous bliss of lounging on the sofa under a blanket, cosied up with David Beckham. I mean, his dog.

CREATURE COMFORTS David Beckham, Olive… and that blanket