RICHARD MADELEY AGONY UNCLE

The author and broadcaster answers your questions. Write to DearRichard@telegraph.co.uk

have a problem – other than interfering judgmentalism you should dismiss out of hand.

Remember the old fable of a man walking his donkey to market? “Fool!” called a friend. “You should be riding your donkey on such a hot day!” So he climbed aboard. “How cruel,” someone else clucked, “to ride that poor beast in this heat! You should be carrying him!” So the man hitched the donkey on to his shoulders. “Look at that idiot!” a group of friends laughed when he arrived at market. “He’s got a donkey to ride but he’s actually carrying it!”

The tale is hundreds of years old: the curse of meddling friends is timeless. Ignore them. Only you and your wife know what works best for the two of you. Have a great birthday.

Dear Richard

affectionate the past couple of times. But there’s also this sense that they know I won’t be doing much at home of a weekend (I moved to Liverpool for work a few weeks ago and don’t really know anyone outside the office).

I do like having a temporary base in London every so often and if I stayed with someone else my friends would have to pay someone to look after the cat, and I know they haven’t got much money. But I do feel a little taken advantage of. Is there some way I can clear the air with them so we can carry on with what ought to be a mutually beneficial situation?

J, LIVERPOOL

Dear J

Please tell me you’re joking. Your growing resentment at a mutually acceptable and beneficial arrangement has been triggered because (and I can’t quite believe I’m writing this) you’ve decided the cat is being “less affectionate” toward you? Are you serious? It’s a cat! Cats are notoriously fickle. Anyway, you can hardly transfer your resentment on to its owners, unless you believe they’ve begun having a quiet, negative word about you in puss’s ear before they go away.

J, you’ve written to me for my advice, so here it is. Get. A. Grip. Your thoughts have begun to run away with you and they’re leading you down a peculiar path. So set your pique aside while I try and help you.

Firstly, let’s just pretend you didn’t say that thing about the cat, shall we? Good. Now, you say you feel exploited because your friends know you don’t do much in Liverpool at weekends. But that’s exactly why they feel able to ask you to cat-sit! If your diary were full, you wouldn’t be available, would you?

You also resent the fact they receive your services for nothing. Why? You’re getting free weekends in London, hanging out with your friends there, seeing the sights. It’s called a quid pro quo. Turn it around: how would you feel if they complained that they’re losing money by using you? Think about it. They could put puss in a cattery, Airbnb the flat and turn a tidy profit. Careful, J. If you start moaning, you might put ideas into their heads.

It’s count your blessings time. Resentment is a toxic emotion and you need to get rid of yours before it poisons a friendship and destroys a perfectly reasonable set-up. If you want to clear the air, I suggest you take a ferry across the Mersey, or a long walk around the Albert Dock. Deep breaths. And next time, maybe take puss a present.

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