‘ I’m embarrassed by my husband’s lack of education’

The other day, I was at a colleague’s dinner party with my husband. The pudding had been devoured, we were on the dessert wines and there was a pleasant, post-meal lull in the air. Then someone gave my husband a compliment about looking younger than his years. This person then said: “Tell us your secret – have you got a portrait in the attic?”

Everyone laughed. My husband stopped, and looked puzzled.

“A portrait in the attic?” he asked. “No idea what you’re on about, mate. But we do have a load of camping stuff up there.”

Some giggled, thinking he was just being ironic. But others noted the genuine lack of understanding on my husband’s face and looked down at their laps, feeling awkward. I was glad the dinner was candlelit or they’d have seen me blushing furiously and squirming in my seat, wishing we could just leave or vanish. My husband didn’t get the reference to Oscar Wilde’s acclaimed novel of a man’s devilish pact to stay eternally young, The Picture of Dorian

Gray. Everyone else did. But he didn’t. And when we went home and he tried to hug me, I pulled away, still mortified at his lack of education and savoir faire.

My husband is 43, I’m 44. He works in the building trade. I work in a top firm in the city. He earns a decent wage and, at home, we’ve always got on well, sharing the same sense of humour. He’s a kind and loving father to our daughter, aged eight, he’s faithful and – being a builder – he’s wonderful at DIY, so our house always looks stunning. We’ve never needed to hire anyone for building work because he can take on any job.

There’s just one problem: his lack of education.

I went to a good university and took first-class honours. My husband left school at 16 and then went to technical college. I have shelves full of classic literature. He reads car magazines. Our close friends marvel at how such opposites have attracted and how “it works”. And it does. It just doesn’t when people mention something like a reference to a novel or a play, or a work of art, or the Greek philosophers’ ideas. That’s when the gulf between us is suddenly, horribly revealed.

I used to laugh it off. Or we’d both go home and moan about what snobs people are. He’d often say that he’d like to see my friends’ snooty husbands put shelves up or build a conservatory. But, as the years have passed, and real, meaningful talk has become important to me, I wonder: do we have enough in common to last into old age? Sometimes when people say something, I’ll have to explain it discreetly to my husband. Or other times, we’ll watch something on TV and a reference will come up that he doesn’t understand and I’ll find myself – kindly – filling in the gaps. It doesn’t matter to me when we’re alone, but somehow it does when we’re with others.

As shameful as it is to say it: I’m embarrassed by him.

Now I wonder what our future holds. We’ve been together 12 years and married for 10. When sex is a thing of the past and all we have is our minds, will our marriage still work?

For now, I’m dreading the next dinner party invitation in case someone mentions a classic novel or historical fact. I’ve even – to my shame – found myself arranging social events when I know my husband is working and won’t be able to come.

Opposites attract, yes.

But how long for?