Dear Richard, My husband kept a friends-withbenefits situation going after we were married

QAfter a three-year transatlantic courtship and a year-long formal engagement, I was living with all the joy and optimism a latelife second marriage can offer. Then, three months in, I was blindsided by the revelation that my husband had been seeing a “friend with benefits” – a considerably younger former colleague who lives near us – whenever I was away on work.

I had known a little about this woman, though she was never introduced to his friends and family, but had naively believed him when he told me their relationship was confined to the past. Then when I found out the relationship was ongoing – she sent me a batch of photos of them together – I was physically ill for a week, signed off work and couldn’t sleep.

I withdrew into a stupor of outward calm. My husband threw himself into his job. Now we are working our way through the professional person’s postaffair playbook: he is in therapy, and his former FWB is barred from contacting us. Every day, he is working hard to restore trust and save our marriage in actions, not words. I do love him very much.

The thing is, I feel I was conned into marriage in the first place. Had I known about his ongoing relationship, I would have ended our relationship there and then.

As it is, I feel robbed of the happiness I felt during our engagement. I’ve lost my sparkle. I feel so betrayed. Am I wrong to feel this way? Will I ever be my old self again? How do you move on from things like this? “Blindsided”, via email