HERE IS OUR SUMMER 2021 Weird Crush List

TOM CRUISE

This is not so weird. It’s not like having a crush on Jaws or Jimmy Carr, but it is unexpected because we’d moved on and thought that, given a choice (crushes are meant to be fun, after all) we’d go for a Regé-Jean Page (the Bridgerton bloke) every time. Yet, of all the actors, only Tom is hitting the spot, by being here now, out and about, interested in our stuff, looking senatorial, clean, upbeat and evidently having the time of his life, which is currently way more attractive than the smouldering-under-apulled-down-baseball-cap look. We’ve been locked up for 16 months, give or take; we want smiling and engaging, TC style.

THE OTHER TOM

Tom McNally, above, is the father of the 10-year-old girl in the Wembley crowd who got Mason Mount’s shirt after the game against Denmark, and he represents all the good dads out there. He didn’t think: “Take Belle to the semi-final? At Wembley? A 10-year-old girl. Are you having a laugh? I’m taking Fat Dan the Man and the rest of the week off, thank you very much”. This Tom is probably raising a future England midfielder, or astrophysicist, or maybe a sports therapist. He’s doing a good job, anyway, and we like him.

STANLEY TUCCI

In his latest film, Supernova, in which he plays a gay writer succumbing to Alzheimer’s. Stanley Tucci (above with Colin Firth), has been an unexpected crush for quite a while (you will remember his negroni-making performances on Instagram) but if you can maintain your chart position and raise it a bit, in these most unlikely of circs, that is pretty good going.

JURGEN KLINSMANN

You thought we were going to say You Know Who Beginning With G, because allegedly all midlife women have fallen under His spell over the past four weeks, but from our POV that was an ask too far, especially given the hot competition back in the studio. If you were going to fancy a retired footballer this summer then he was: a) German b) had a twinkle and a GSOH and c) had a soft spot for the Italians. Or he was Roy Keane.

NEIL DIAMOND

The voice. Again, not weird to like the voice – it’s one of the best – but it’s taken us almost 50 years to get back to listening to Hot August Night and now we have developed a crush on the 30-year-old Neil Diamond, which we certainly didn’t have back then. Back then we couldn’t forgive the hair, and the vague aura of Vegas.

There will be others. The summer’s just getting going.