After Fearne’s marriage to Jacob ended, their 18-year-old son, Callum, turned to alcohol to dull his pain

One Saturday afternoon, Fearne had a phone call from a friend of her son Callum, asking if she could pick them up from a nearby park. The friend told her Callum couldn’t walk. “When I got there, I could see Callum was paralytic,” she recalls. “We piled him into the car; he could barely talk, let alone realise I was even there.”

Fearne knew her son had been drinking heavily for about six months. His moods were dark and although he had a part-time job in a café, he often missed his shifts because he couldn’t get up. The situation had escalated after his father, Jacob, moved out of the family home when the marriage ended. “Callum was obviously heartbroken about the situation but he just wouldn’t talk to me about it,” says Fearne. “My break-up with Jacob was bitter and aggressive. We argued constantly and the atmosphere at that time was toxic. But Callum adored his dad and was devastated by his absence. His misery turned to anger, and he started blaming us for wrecking his life.”

Because the couple’s relationship was so acrimonious, discussion around how to support Callum became a bitter battle of wills. It wasn’t until Fearne’s best friend suggested a family therapist that something positive seemed possible.

“Jacob and I attended the first couple of sessions without Callum,” says Fearne. “It wasn’t easy. I was still furious with him and had little respect for his opinion. But it soon became apparent that if we wanted to help Callum we had to put our differences aside. The therapist encouraged us to see the situation from our son’s point of view and understand that every time we tried to hurt each other we were also damaging Callum. She helped us to listen more attentively to each other and without judgement. For the first time in years, we spoke about sensitive subjects without that familiar resentment.”

Fearne says that when Callum was brought into the sessions, the emotional barometer rocketed. At first he sat in silence, then he raged about their selfishness and once stormed out of the therapy room. “I didn’t think he’d keep coming back, but he did, and then one day he broke down crying. He said that all he wanted was for us to be a family again. And, worse, that it was his fault we weren’t getting on because he’d been so difficult to handle. It was such a sharp wake-up call for me. I realised that whatever happened between me and Jacob, we had to be united as parents for Callum.

“With the therapist’s help, we were able to reassure him his drinking wasn’t to blame and discuss the fact he was using alcohol to anaesthetise his pain.”

The family are still attending therapy sessions together, and although it is clear the marriage is over, communication between the three of them has improved significantly. “We have bonded again as a family,” says Fearne. “There is a newfound understanding of other’s needs and, even though we may live apart, the importance of being in this together is the key to everyone’s well-being.”

For a directory of private therapists, visit welldoing.org. Information is also available at aft.org.uk