The Daily Telegraph - Saturday - Saturday
How to host the ultimate blended family gathering
If you are hosting an extended tribe this Christmas, take some lessons from charity Go Beyond: they do it all the time. By Judith Woods
The jaunty strains of “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” are filling the air as the scent of cinnamon drifts from the kitchen. Meanwhile, in the lounge, fairy lights are twinkling down on three boys sprawled on the carpet, faces set in almost comical concentration as they make paper chains.
They only met yesterday and back at home they’d each be on their own playing computer games. But this is a techfree tableau of old fashioned fun – albeit with a distinctly modern twist.
Welcome to the ultimate blended Christmas at Go Beyond, a children’s charity giving youngsters a desperately-needed break from the challenges of their regular lives.
If you are hosting an extended tribe this December and are feeling concerned about how to make your festivities, look no further than this crack team of staff and volunteers who will be laying on top-notch celebrations no fewer than three times this month.
Sixteen children, aged eight to 11, arrived here a day ago; some needy and affectionate, flinging their arms round the adults unbidden; others silent and watchful, unsure of strangers, unsure of themselves.
They have been referred by the pastoral department of their schools who have insight into the obstacles they face and know they would benefit from a very special getaway. Now, less than 24 hours on, they are a merry gang. More than a gang; these children have a bond that feels like family – at its uncomplicated best.
“Some of these children have never hung up a stocking or received a Christmas present,” says centre manager Sharon Retallick. “They are growing up in families living under extreme pressure, facing housing and food insecurity, where there’s no money for extras and no headspace for the sort of one-to-one attention they desperately crave.”
Here these youngsters are treated as individuals and their achievements are celebrated. Achievements in this context can be anything from trying a new food to tackling a climbing wall or learning how to make friends.
“There are children who are carers, with parents or siblings who have physical or mental health issues. Others come home from school to an empty house and have to make tea for their younger brothers and sisters because Mum and Dad are at work.”
The magical memories they are making over five days have a higher purpose than spreading seasonal cheer, laudable though that may be. Here in this setting they are being taught valuable life skills that other children take for granted.
And even more crucially, they are being instilled with the sort of self-belief that will sustain them when they return home to complicated, challenging, isolated lives.
“Our job is to really notice them,” says Retallick. “Even when we’re exhausted from getting up two or three times a night because some children can’t sleep and others wet the bed, they never see us being anything but smiling and encouraging. Over the course of the break their body language completely alters; they visibly relax and open up to each other and to us.”
The members of each group are chosen carefully so their home lives mirror one another. But part of their experience is adapting to the camaraderie and compromises of being in a group; sharing, supporting and empathising.
Friends are made for life. Every child goes home with photos, mementoes, and a precious journal filled with glowing testimonies from the Go Beyond staff. Phrases like “I remember how brave you were in the swimming pool”, “Everybody thought you were very funny” and “It was great to see how you faced your fears on the climbing wall” are designed to give them a boost long after they return to their often unremittingly bleak lives
But for now they are basking in this home from home, the beating heart of which is the kitchen, where cook Andrea Towse heroically conjures up three meals a day and Christmas lunch with all the trimmings – for up to 30 adults and children.
Honey roast parsnips, pigs in blankets, stuffing, cauliflower cheese. Carrots, peas and broccoli, a turkey crown, Yorkshire puddings, gravy – and, of course, roast potatoes. She has the process down to a fine art and needless to say it’s all in the preparation.
“As long as the veg has been washed and peeled and chopped then it’s pretty straightforward on the day itself; just the potatoes to sort,” she says. “If I have one tip it’s this; calculate how many roasties you will need and then double it! That should be just about enough.”
‘They’re growing up in families where there’s no headspace for the one-toone attention they crave’
The children file past with their plates, and are reassured they can come back for seconds. For most of them the very idea is a revelation. In recent years, Towse has noted how much more the children eat; at home, where the cost of living crisis is biting hard, food is strictly rationed.
“We never serve anything from the freezer,” says Towse. “No chicken dippers, fish fingers or chips. Some of the kids literally never eat anything else. We get them to at least try new things and if they really don’t like them, we give them a jacket potato or beans on toast. Nobody goes hungry here.”
Back in the lounge, where deep, comfy sofas and floor cushions keep things cosy, the kids have fetched their duvets and are settling down to watch a Christmas movie. Elf is the frontrunner. Mugs of hot chocolate are in the offing.
There’s no television but the room is transformed into a home cinema by a laptop and a large projector screen. There is chatter and excitement but something less tangible too; a profound, precious sense of belonging.