‘Cheap, sickly and messy’

When I see the retro-style packaging of a Creme Egg I am transported immediately back to primary school, embarking on an Easter egg hunt in which these foiled treats were – supposedly – the ultimate treasure. For a split second, I’m tempted to rip off the wrapping and take a huge bite, to relive the nostalgia. But I know I’d instantly regret it. I’m not inherently opposed to the components of a Creme Egg. But cheap chocolate and soft, gooey fondant are both so sickly in their own right that putting them together in a Franken-egg makes them overpoweringly nauseating. As someone who struggles with eggs at the best of times (all it takes is one that’s slightly undercooked to remind you what you’re actually eating), I accept that I’m not the ideal customer. It’s more than that, though. The cloying and grainy texture of the creme, as it erupts from the cracked top reminds me just how naff these things are. The ratio always feels off: I don’t need all that creme in my egg. And the moment you bite into a Creme Egg, its sticky innards drip down your fingers while the chocolate melts at the merest contact with warm digits. Messy! I doubt the children of today will look back on Creme Eggs with my sense of nostalgia: they are no longer special. They’re on sale in January and respawn at Halloween as Screme Eggs. And there are (by no means inferior) imitators – Oreo and Reese’s, for example.

So I wonder why anyone persists with an activity that for 80p (or more) – will leave you sticky, nauseous and yearning for a time you can never return to. Chocolate might be an essential part of seasonal celebrations, but must we set our sights so low?