GRA­HAM NOR­TON AGONY UN­CLE

The au­thor, co­me­dian and pre­sen­ter ad­vises read­ers. Send your cris de coeur to gra­ham@tele­graph.co.uk

The Daily Telegraph - Saturday - - GAMES -

turn off the en­gine and leave the ve­hi­cle. Start sav­ing money and when ready, em­ploy a pro­fes­sional driv­ing in­struc­tor. The end.

It doesn’t mat­ter how many dis­cus­sions you and your girl­friend have about this process be­fore you both get in the car, the lessons will still con­tinue to be frus­trat­ing bouts of re­pressed fury and ex­as­per­a­tion.

Hav­ing your girl­friend as your driv­ing in­struc­tor may be prac­ti­cal when it comes to your fi­nances but in ev­ery other way it is mad­ness. Are you ac­tu­ally learn­ing any­thing? How long will it be be­fore you feel ready for the test? What will your re­la­tion­ship look like after you fail and you blame her and she re­alises she is dat­ing an id­iot?

If you want to draw con­clu­sions about your re­la­tion­ship from how you in­ter­act with each other in a car, feel free to do so. Maybe you fear los­ing con­trol, per­haps she doesn’t re­spect your in­tel­lec­tual abil­i­ties. But if step­ping out of the ve­hi­cle solves your prob­lems surely it is more sen­si­ble to do that rather that to con­tinue look­ing for trou­ble?

Trust me, your girl­friend will not be hurt if you de­cide to aban­don these lessons. She will be thrilled – be­cause I guar­an­tee she dreads them just as much as you do. Most re­la­tion­ships have their lim­its and it ap­pears that your laugh­ing and cud­dling can’t sur­vive check­ing your mir­rors.

Let this be the les­son you take away from this ex­pe­ri­ence. In the mean­time, park the whole idea and buy a bike. giblets. There’s some­thing for you to both look for­ward to.

The mo­ment that you de­cide to leave your own house, things will never be ex­actly the way you want them to be. Such is life. Your daugh­ter wants to be your host­ess this year, so sit back and en­joy her ver­sion of the fes­tive sea­son. Is meat re­ally so im­por­tant that you would turn your back on your own flesh and blood?

Dear Gra­ham

I sing in my of­fice choir ev­ery week, and it’s a very pos­i­tive part of my work­ing life.

My only prob­lem – and I am sure you have worse to deal with ev­ery week – is that I am a bass, and when we do ar­range­ments of pop songs my part is re­ally dull, just “dum-di-dum”, hold­ing the line.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if

I’m des­per­ately hun­gry for glory, but I like to be stretched a bit more as I am when we do more tra­di­tional cho­ral ma­te­rial.

The trou­ble is the oth­ers com­plain about the lat­ter be­ing bor­ing and/or dif­fi­cult. Have you any sug­ges­tions as to how I might per­suade them to re­think? Or in­deed any mu­si­cal rec­om­men­da­tions?RICHARD,

VIA EMAIL

Dear Richard

I don’t know where you stand in your work hi­er­ar­chy, but whether or not you’re a boss as well as a bass, I in­fer from your let­ter that you are a lit­tle older than your fel­low singers. I feel your prob­lem has more to do with dif­fer­ing mu­si­cal tastes to your fel­low cho­ris­ters than pro­fes­sional sta­tus.

You en­joy singing tra­di­tional cho­ral works and you have let this be known. The oth­ers don’t – and ei­ther don’t know or don’t care – that their Glee-style se­lec­tions are a lit­tle want­ing in the lower parts.

I sug­gest you must de­cide to ei­ther change your tune, or change your choir. Un­less you de­velop a taste for the sort of mu­sic your cur­rent group favours, I can’t see a time when you will feel sat­is­fied.

Surely it makes far more sense to go look­ing beyond the of­fice, and search for a cho­ral group that does the kind of mu­sic that you en­joy per­form­ing? Apart from en­hanced mu­si­cal en­joy­ment, you’ll also find your­self a bit of free­dom from the self-con­scious­ness that must in­evitably be a part of singing along with one’s col­leagues.

But be warned: if you are top dog at work, and you start singing out­side the walls of the of­fice, peo­ple may be more forth­com­ing about why you don’t get any so­los… Just a thought.

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