LET­TER OF THE WEEK

The Daily Telegraph - Saturday - - GAMES -

A cou­ple of months ago, I ar­rived home early and over­heard a dis­tinctly flirty tele­phone con­ver­sa­tion be­tween my hus­band and a woman I did not recog­nise.

When I asked who he was talk­ing to, he as­sured me it was in­no­cent; that she was an old, close friend he had seen and spo­ken to in­fre­quently over the years, and that she was a great emo­tional sup­port for him but noth­ing more. If he’s telling the truth, then fine – I’m not his jailer. But he has re­fused my re­quests to meet this woman or even know her name. He says he doesn’t want me to “do some­thing stupid” to her – I suppose he means yelling down the tele­phone.

Things haven’t been great be­tween us and I am will­ing to ac­cept my share of re­spon­si­bil­ity for that. But his lack of can­dour has shaken me. He says we should “keep calm and carry on” – but I need more than his word to be able to ac­cept the sit­u­a­tion is as he says, rather than as it still ap­pears to me.

I feel very iso­lated, as he is the only other per­son in the know and he will not coun­te­nance seek­ing any sort of in­de­pen­dent ad­vice, so we just go around and around in hurt­ful cir­cles.

I do not know where else to turn, whether I am be­ing fair in ex­pect­ing to know this woman’s name, whether he has a point in with­hold­ing it – and in­deed whether I am be­ing a mug in hop­ing his story is true. Help, please!

ANON, VIA EMAIL

Dear Anon

Ig­no­rance is bliss, isn’t it? How a part of you must wish you’d never walked

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