THE VERY BRI­TISH CHRIST­MAS FRIDGE

The Daily Telegraph - Saturday - - COVER STORY -

VAR­I­OUS THINGS IN CLING FILM

Scraps of meat, a cup of gravy, a third of a cheese board… go crazy with the cling film. Wrap up a sin­gle parsnip and see how long it stays there un­til some­one else deals with it.

A LARGE PORK PIE

Though you keep be­ing told you’re not al­lowed to touch it, so you’ll end up eat­ing the gi­ant piggy slab un­til at least mid-Jan­uary. Which is great.

TRI­FLE

Pros: an ex­cuse to make al­co­hol ed­i­ble, easy to chew, a change from Christ­mas pud­ding. Cons: takes up half the fridge, never seems to be fin­ished.

STIL­TON

It’s not Christ­mas un­less you eat enough Stil­ton to give your­self gout. Even a small amount will make all your other food “in­fused with Stil­ton”, which is very on-trend.

A HUGE CHUNK OF SOME DIF­FER­ENT MEAT

A whole duck, goose or gam­mon, mi­nus one slice, for that one per­son who thinks they’re unique for not lik­ing tur­key (who does?). Se­cretly sub­tract the cost from their presents.

MINI FOOD

You must have at least 10 tiny chicken Kievs on the go at any one time be­cause (ap­par­ently) it looks “ridicu­lous” when you eat one reg­u­lar-sized Kiev with your hands.

PICCALILLI

Per­haps four pints of the lu­mi­nous yel­low pickle was a bit too much? Still, plenty left over for the next 20 De­cem­bers. Called some­thing like “Vir­gin Fes­tive Fling!” or “Des­ig­nated Sleigh Driver”. Ingredients for both: cran­berry juice.

Tastes like: break­fast.

A BLACK VEL­VET

Com­bine your finest cham­pagne with a nice chilled serv­ing of Guin­ness to quickly ruin both.

Tastes like: a mis­take.

SU­PER­FOOD SMOOTHIE

Blend to­gether lots of fruit. Drink on New Year’s Day. That’ll def­i­nitely can­cel out the past three months of glut­tony.

Tastes like: vic­tory!

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