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SHANE WATSON PEOPLE WAT C H I N G
Five kids, two dogs and three homes – if you really want to show off your status, you’d better learn how to plus-plus...
First Sophie EllisBextor, now Gordon and Tana Ramsay. Status wise, having a fifth child – at least in middle-class circles – has taken over from the adventure sabbatical, a shepherd’s hut at the bottom of the garden, and a bolt-hole on a Greek island as the desirable status signifier du jour. It says affluence, it says confidence, it says we’re still fertile contenders, and it is the future.
If showing off used to be about what you had, it’s now about having more of certain things than everyone else. It’s called the plus-plus rule, but it doesn’t apply to everything.
So for the status conscious among you, here is a short bluffer’s guide to plus-plus:
PLUS-PLUS DOG
You don’t want a bigger dog. No, you want more than one dog. One dog now looks a little bit boutique. If you want to show off, you need two, possibly three (note, lots of dogs being wheeled in their own prams is another thing and is to be avoided).
PLUS-PLUS COATS
One coat at a time is no longer enough. Now, you are wearing an oversized puffer coat over a lighter, more fitted coat. That’s it.
PLUS-PLUS FRIENDS
Ideally, you want to be a gang of three now, like Phoebe Waller-Bridge and Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer, or the actresses in The Favourite. It’s the same principle as five children… anything less than three is ordinary and expected and anyone can do it. Three is more interesting.
PLUS-PLUS KITCHEN
The least you will be needing in your kitchen if you wish to keep up is an Aga plus a gas cooker, for those occasions when you need a very high heat or just the extra ovens for all the friends you will be entertaining in 2019.
PLUS-PLUS HOUSES
Three is the magic number of houses. Two is not quite enough any more. Your third residence could be in the South of France, it might be in Mustique – the only rule is you have to go there.
PLUS-PLUS PILLOWS
Extra-long ones, and square ones, two types on a giant bed. When choosing your plus-plus bed, super-king or bigger is your entrylevel basic.
PLUS-PLUS HOLIDAYS
Not the long, experience-of-alifetime sort (though they still have their place) but lots of the little-andoften sort, favoured by Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie. Lamu or St Barts in January, India in February and then Gstaad or Verbier in March… your plus-plussers are
defined by the number of minibreaks they take.
PLUS-PLUS JOBS
As in, several strings to your bow. Paul McCartney has just written a children’s picture book. Doesn’t need the cash, quite busy enough, but in plus-plus terms he’s spot on. Plusplus people have a range of interests and are at pains not be known for just one thing (see Gwyneth Paltrow’s segue into lifestyle and cooking). The days of sitting back, putting your feet up and enjoying your status are well and truly over.