The Daily Telegraph - Saturday
RIFT WITH YOUR
First of all, it’s about leaving the argument in the past and moving on. You might need to accept that you don’t agree, and may never agree, on certain topics. It helps to see things from the other’s perspective; there’s never one side to an argument. Adults can be much better at this than adolescents, who tend to be more self-centred.
If you do settle things, try not to rush back into the relationship. Take time – a bit like healing – to allow for the rift to repair.
This is a big one… consider apologising for the things you did or said, especially if you reacted out of anger. It’s important to acknowledge that it isn’t how you might ordinarily think or behave.
Try not to fix or change each other. You can be completely different people with different opinions, and that’s OK. •
Work hard on communication. Try to understand what is at the root of your problem and discuss it calmly. Often, adult conflict stems from issues established earlier in childhood. But if there is systemic, embedded pain going on, a family therapist might be able to help you.
Deone Payne-James, BACP-registered integrative therapist