People Watching

Try to avoid cutting loose on your first trip back to the hairdresser

Hairstarved stylists and a desperate population is a disaster waiting to happen

Hairdressers! Open! Next week! As you know, the Scots are a week ahead of the English on this, and naturally Nicola Sturgeon was front of the queue on Monday (see right), as were several TV reporters.

It made for uncomfortable viewing actually. You were supposed to think “At last! Me next!” But watching the scissor wielders get to work all you could think was: “Ooh… I wouldn’t take any more off there” and “Crikey, what is he doing to the back?” No one in those salon chairs was getting an inch off and a tidy-up, that’s for sure; it was all undercuts or asymmetric bobs, and let that be a warning to us all. The combination of hair-starved stylists and a population desperate to shed their hibernation manes and try something new (why not!) is a disaster waiting to happen. We need to proceed with caution lest we regret it the next day – or for months to come.

SO, HERE’S OUR TEN-POINT

GUIDE TO GETTING BACK TO

THE HAIRDRESSERS WITHOUT ANY MAJOR DISASTERS: h Don’t go for a radical makeover. Never had short hair before? Don’t start now. Never had a fringe before? Don’t get one now. We’re all in that heightened “I’m starting AGAIN” state, not unlike the one you experience after a bad break-up when the first thing you do is rush to the hairdresser. But the thing is, that post break-up cut never went well. And now we’re older, and were we forced to wear a hat for several weeks, it would be quite a lot worse.

h Focus hard on the real you, not the person you could be if you had a different head.

h Don’t go to a hairdresser you have never been to just because they have nice pictures in the window and your attitude is, “How bad can it be?” It could be very bad. It could be Fleabag’s sister bad.

h Don’t credit your hairdresser with magical powers. When you meet again, it might feel as if they have the power to change your life, so repeat: Rebecca (substitute hairdresser’s name) cannot perform miracles – she is just a human being.

h Equally, don’t relinquish responsibility. Don’t say “Do what you like… I feel like a change… go crazy”.

h Keep looking in the mirror. If you feel a stomach lurch of fear, then speak up immediately. It may not be too late to make adjustments. h Don’t ask your hairdresser to make you look like Rod Stewart/Gisele. Note: we discovered this week that the secret of Rod’s magnificent big bird hair, back in the day, was applying mayonnaise and then rubbing it hard with a towel. Often the people whose hair you most admire have freakishly excellent hair/ are three decades younger than you/are doing something weird like coating it in a layer of mayo. h If you find yourself considering showing your hairdresser a picture, take a step back. Breathe.

h Do go extra oomphy on the colour if you feel so moved. Everyone’s planning on going brighter. Better to over-dye than over-cut.

h Consider a high ponytail as a way of altering your look with zero risk.

i Good hair day: Nicola Sturgeon, Scotland’s First Minister, is one very happy customer as she can finally enjoy getting her hair coloured and cut