Why I will be losing sleep over these dead rubbers
History tells us that unexpected Ashes successes Down Under can be the most treasured of all, writes Rob Bagchi
Whitewashes define the vanquished more than the victors
Given that sleep deprivation is used as psychological torture, it seems freakishly masochistic to contemplate pulling several successive all-nighters over the next fortnight to follow dead-rubber Ashes Tests. If gluttony is Christmas’s singular sin, punishment is not exempt, but there are better reasons than habit and duty to tempt us from the sweet solace of kip.
Three victories in 25 away Tests during the long stupor between Mike Gatting’s victory in 1987 and Andrew Strauss’s 24 years later is a trifling record. Yet, each of them was so unexpected and earned in the face of such adversity against overwhelmingly superior sides that they rank among the most memorable and treasured of all.
Michael Atherton’s tourists in 1994-95 were torpedoed by the selectors before they had boarded the aircraft but at Adelaide bore out that old Army maxim that irregulars strive harder for their medals. Angus Fraser and Chris Lewis had been left out of the squad but went to Australia anyway, hazarding that injuries were likely. England were 2-0 down and, after their restoration to the side, Fraser claimed four wickets in the match, while Lewis took six.
Devon Malcolm found his rhythm to take four for 39 in Australia’s second innings, though I remain convinced that it was sparked by his batting when he slogged a six and a four off two balls from Shane Warne to help England to a lead of 262. When he came to the crease, Phil De Freitas was closing in on a century but sadly fell 12 short after an astonishing knock of sublime audacity and clean hitting.
In 1998, they went into the Boxing Day Test two down, having just lost to Australia A by nine wickets in Hobart. “They couldn’t catch a root in a woodpile,” was one earthy Australian characterisation of their haplessness.
England scrambled to set a target of 175 that looked comfortably imminent with Australia at 140 for four. The hosts were keen to extend the day into an eighth hour to knock off the winning runs but did not bargain for Dean Headley and Darren Gough maintaining pace, swing and verve. Headley took six for 60 and, just as pleasingly, Gough arrowed a sandshoe-crusher on to Glenn Mcgrath’s toe to win the match in the murk at 7.22pm.
England lost the current series in 15 days, an improvement on 2002-3 when they went down in 11. Steve Waugh hit a century in a session at the SCG with Australia 4-0 up, seemingly able to bend events to his will. Michael Vaughan followed it by flaying the bowling for 183 before Andy Caddick, in his last Test, ran through that formidable top order with a match-winning seven for 94.
Whitewashes define the vanquished more than the victors. They end careers and leave a stigma not just from fools who question England’s courage rather than their judgment, their capability rather than the application of their skill. Winning one of the last two Tests will not rectify the mistakes that went before but would prove that the talent and grit we have witnessed over the years is not an illusion. It would make staying up all night less forlorn, too.