Time to fasten your seat belts for a festival of quips
Michael O’leary could have a lot to say this week at Cheltenham, so here is how to prepare
Iwas playing my thought association game yesterday. And surprise, surprise, I tried it out on one of the biggest protagonists (some would say antagonists) this Cheltenham Festival week. The rules are simple; you think of a subject and then follow a path of random thoughts until you arrive back at the original subject. Sometimes it can take all day; but yesterday was quick.
Michael O’leary – Ryanair – Tony Ryan – Michelle Rocca – getting stuck in a large porcelain vase – Dromoland Castle – bad smell of rotting mice – Limerick – Dunraven Arms – rare beef – Bryan Murphy – big chasing type of horse – Michael O’leary.
So, the build-up to the Festival affects us all differently. Some just talk and talk about nothing else; and they pay good money going to listen to experts doing the same thing; repeating what they heard someone else say the night before.
I was at it last night at the magnificent Daylesford Farm Shop, where the food was included in the price of the ticket.
Which reminds me, the talking has not even started as far as O’leary is concerned. And he might have a lot to talk about this week, in his own (thankfully) inimitable style.
Indeed, he has the banker of the meeting; the form book would suggest that only a jockeys’ strike can get Samcro beaten in the Ballymore Properties Novice Hurdle on Wednesday. So, given that you will be hearing a lot from him this week, here are a few informative questions based on the noisy Irishman’s infamous quips.
He is, after all, “a prophet in my own lifetime”.
Who said “from now on we want to let Samcro do all the talking?”
A Michael O’leary.
B Donald Trump.
C Neither of the above.
Thirty seconds later, who said “the Grand National will be a better race when the handicapper retires?”
A Samcro.
B Samcro’s ventriloquist.
C Neither of the above.
When the betting market suggested that Samcro might run in the Supreme and not the three-mile novice hurdle, did O’leary’s apprentice talker say:
A We’re not even thinking about the Supreme – and we’re not interested in the market.
B We’re not even thinking about the Supreme… er… unless the ground is heavy.
C Why do you think we paid the money to keep our options open?
What was the message on Dounikos last week?
A Everyone’s forgotten about him, but we haven’t.
B We’re not going to talk about him.
C We’re going to let him talk about himself.
O’leary might ground all Ryanair flights this week because: A He wants to teach the thick Cromwellians a Brexit lesson.
B All his pilots are at Cheltenham. C He hasn’t got any pilots.
Why might O’leary be able to buy a pint of Guinness for 50p in a pub in Cheltenham during the Festival?
A It’s spare capacity.
B He’ll be charged £50 for the glass.
C The pint is somewhere else.
What might O’leary say to the taxi driver on his way to Cheltenham?
A You’re sacked – so this is a great opportunity for you to improve your driving.
B You’ve got the easiest job in the world.
C You’re nothing but a glorified pilot.
What might the taxi driver say to O’leary?
A It’s been a great honour to drive you Mr O’leary – and I’m looking forward to the opportunity of not driving you.
B I’m increasing my fees so f--- off.
C You’re an idiot like the rest of my customers.
Which of the following horses running this week were named by O’leary?
A Road to Respect.
B Stay Humble.
C Wonderful Charm.
When O’leary said “this business is full of bull--------, liars and drunks” was he referring to:
A Horse racing.
B Airlines.
C Banks.
When he said “take the f---ers out and shoot them”, was he referring to:
A Trainers.
B Bloodstock Agents.
C Travel Agents.
For those of you who may still be looking for a Cheltenham Festival flights/accommodation package for later in the week, Ryanair is not offering flights to Humberside and accommodation in King’s Lynn; beds and tap water not included.