Ama Agbeze bounces back Ex-england netball captain signs up for The Telegraph
Former England captain Ama Agbeze is still hurting at missing out on World Cup and faces an ongoing battle with her body image, she tells Fiona Tomas
It is hard to ignore the trio of patriotic neon red braids electrifying Ama Agbeze’s hair, which she ordered in support of Phil Neville’s Lionesses during their World Cup campaign this summer. They are, however, a stoic reminder that the former England netball captain, who led the Vitality Roses to a first historic gold at the Commonwealth Games last year, will not represent her country in her sport’s own World Cup, which begins in Liverpool on Friday.
Agbeze, who has more than 100 caps for her country, was left chasing a spot in Tracey Neville’s 12-strong squad after being hampered by injury in her debut season with London Pulse, who finished bottom of this year’s Superleague. She is still coming to terms with her omission.
“It hasn’t sunk in,” she says. “I’ve been dropped so many times in my career. And so many times my mum says, ‘Oh, you’ve done netball enough now, just leave.’ But I never really wanted to leave on a rubbish note.
“My husband is like, why don’t you have a baby? Why don’t you play rugby? I told him those two things don’t go hand in hand.”
There is, however, a deeper issue preoccupying Agbeze, the upper half of whose athletic 6ft frame is safely wrapped in a teal shawl. The garment swaddles the
body image fears that have, until recently, blighted the Birminghamborn netballer. She speaks openly about being shunned for her height growing up, from having no muscles as a skinny child, to being judged overly masculine because of her height and broad shoulders.
“I used to have just general body issues all together,” she says. “Now, on court, I feel like this is what I do and I don’t feel uncomfortable, because I’m in a group. I’m never playing a game by myself, so I feel like people aren’t really looking at me and my body is just doing what it’s meant to, in terms of running
‘In my head, I’ll get to 50, when I’m chubby, and look back and see how cool my body is’
and jumping. I’ve got to the place where I feel comfortable in netball.
“I have arguments with my husband all the time. He says I should listen to him. He literally tries all the time to make me feel more confident. He’ll randomly be like, ‘Oh I love your arms!’ – when we’re watching TV. He does try, but it just doesn’t work.”
That many girls would kill to have a body like Agbeze’s reinforces the irony of how body image obsessions engulf women, even those in elite sport. Such is the 36-year-old’s resentment towards her muscular, powerful frame that she feels alienated in the very environment which should be her haven.
“I’m an elite sportsperson and I don’t even feel comfortable in the gym,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I’m an elite athlete, so what chance do other people have? I look at girls of all shapes and sizes a lot and see how confident they are – skinny people, large people, tall people – and I want their confidence.
“It’s a mentality that I’d definitely like to change. I’m hot and I don’t want to wear a shawl! But that’s the thing, I’d prefer to be sweating and not have people stare at me.
“In my head, I’ll get to 50, when I’m chubby, and look back and see how cool my body is, and be like, ‘Why didn’t I celebrate it?’ I’d like to appreciate it now, but I’m working on it.”
Yet underneath this fledgling optimism, the deja vu of missing out on a home World Cup – having also failed to make the cut for the 2015 edition in Sydney – is still raw. On that occasion, Agbeze flew with the squad as a reserve, before being released.
She distanced herself from the disappointment by travelling Down Under, only sparing time to watch half of England’s bronze medal match against Jamaica. This
‘I want the girls to do well, but there might be times in a game when it gets too much for me’
time, however, Agbeze is immersing herself in the tournament as a columnist for The
Daily Telegraph and as a commentator for the BBC and Sky, making her media bow in England’s opening match against Uganda on Friday. It is a role which, in her heart, she knows is second-best.
“I think I’ll be sad, just from a personal perspective,” Agbeze says. “I’d love to be walking out with the team. I’d give up being a commentator any time to go on that court, or even be in the team and not play the whole tournament. I think it’s going to be tough.
“Obviously I want the girls to do well, but I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to commentate because there might be times in a game when it gets too much.”
Yet, Agbeze, who was appointed an MBE last month, does not cut a completely forlorn figure. One could even argue this lost opportunity has reinvigorated her. She laughs at how nobody knows how to correctly pronounce her surname (for the record, it is Ab-wear-ze, as opposed to its phonetic spelling) and has already publicly criticised sports governing bodies for not introducing maternity policies for female athletes.
She plans to launch a children’s charity later this year, with a focus on mental health, a venture inspired by frequent school visits, where she often witnesses the damaging effects of social media on young girls who “all want to be on Love Island
or look like
Kim Kardashian with big lips”.
There is, too, an overriding sense of pride when she reflects on her England captaincy, a period which brought her attentive character to the fore. She would prepare gifts – of varying quality – for team-mates before matches and on one occasion presented each player with a crocheted doll of themselves, complete with Asics logos.
“At the Comm Games, I couldn’t get to a shop easily so I had to plan before,” she says. “They were mostly chocolate gifts, so I had to tell the girls not to eat until after the tournament.
“But they were all relevant. Malawi, for example, play quite unorthodox and all over the place, so the gift for that match was Curly Wurly bars.”
England have never triumphed at a World Cup but, having beaten top-ranked Australia twice in the pair’s last two meetings, their fortunes have never looked brighter. Should they triumph on home soil, Agbeze is ready to be ambushed by a conflict of emotions.
“It would be massively bittersweet. I’d be sad again, but happy. I’ll be happy for the girls and happy for the team and happy for netball, but sad that I won’t be part of it. But I think netball in England needs a World Cup gold medal.”