What happened next
Chewbacca’s spat with Princess Charlotte
September 2020 Caught short in an income break between flming Star Wars sequels and Star Wars prequels, Chewbacca is forced to sell locks of his own hair to an ever-thinning President Trump, who fashions the auburn tresses into a makeshift Afro in an ill-advised attempt to win the black vote. The arrangement comes to an end when the president contracts feas and decides to deport all Wookiees until America ‘sorts itself out’.
December 2034 A still-exiled Chewbacca enters the Celebrity Big Brother house and becomes embroiled in a drunken row with reality-television prodigy Saint West and his ex-wife Princess Charlotte. Nine billion people watch on Channel 5 as the hirsute thespian growls incomprehensibly at the pair, sounds that student groups interpret as vile sexual threats. Chewbacca later joins Mr Blobby, Pudsey Bear and former Blue Peter tortoise George as one of a handful of non-human suspects in the now two-decade-long Operation Yewtree investigation.
August 2098 Now more than 300 years old and the only surviving cast member from any previous flm, Chewie announces a self-funded Star Wars sequel in which he plays every role himself, including Princess Leia and R2-D2. An exercise in self-mastication, the flm, Guess Who’s Bacca: Chew Young To Die, is slated by critics, who describe it variously as a ‘hair-brained idea’ and ‘100 per cent fuff’. Nevertheless, it breaks a box-offce record set three years earlier by Toy Story 56.