Jeremy Corbyn What happened next Leonardo DiCaprio plays

February 2016 In homage to Marlon Brando’s infamous 1973 Academy Awards stunt, in which he sent a Native American actress in his stead, a fnally triumphant Leonardo DiCaprio fails to attend the Oscars ceremony, sending the bear he fought in The Revenant in his place. Speaking eloquently to a hushed theatre, the giant mammal makes a heartfelt plea for greater animal welfare in Hollywood, praises the charity Peta and inadvertently mauls Chris Rock to death.

October 2022 Thirsty for another award, DiCaprio again immerses himself in research – this time for the biopic Corbyn:

The Force Awakens. Aside from wearing sandals and a vest for 12 months, the actor fnds that the furthest extreme he could reach is to take Diane Abbott on a fortnight’s motorcycling holiday to the former East Germany. Despite Abbott’s breathless insistence she can take leave at any moment from her role as Foreign Secretary, DiCaprio reneges on the project, insisting there are limits to his art.

August 2038 Inspired by the true events of 2035 – in which an excessive cargo of supermodels capsized his Sunseeker in Monte Carlo harbour – DiCaprio remakes Titanic for the modern era. Unfortunately the fve-hour epic is panned for a lack of drama, since global warming has long rendered icebergs extinct, and advances in gender equality mean Jack and Rose share shifts on the surviving piece of fotsam, ruining the flm’s climax.