What happened next

Roy Hodgson’s Brexit bonanza

August 2016 Inspired by Brexit, Eurosceptic factions in several other countries attempt to tap up the chief architects of the Leave campaign – Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage, Sarah Vine – to aid their own attempts at independence. With those three respectively sobbing, crowing and scheming, however, only Roy Hodgson, a man with a stellar track record of hastily leading a nation out of Europe, is available to offer his services. Hodgson is duly appointed head of international departures for the Leave campaigns of Portugal, Spain, France and Malta.

March 2017 Fired from his diplomatic consultancy post when all four of his teams suffer shock early defeats to plucky, amateur Remain groups, Hodgson is found once again in want of a job. Chancing his luck, the 69-year-old decides to continue in politics by entering the only managerial market desperate enough to consider him: the race to become Leader of the Opposition.

A man with a stellar track record of hastily leading a nation out of Europe, Hodgson ofers his services

September 2022 Afforded the chance to return to football because the offcial FA inquest into Euro 2016, led by Sir John Chilcot, is still being conducted, Hodgson decides to take one last stab at success by starting his own side. Roy’s Boys is composed entirely of unemployed former England players. Despite the talent and support for the plan, a fatal snag occurs when the club’s request for stadium planning permission loses out to an Iceland store.