What happened next

The Great British Bake Off

October 2016 Aware of the public indignation at its decision to buy The

Great British Bake Off, Channel 4 extends an oddly shaped olive branch towards the BBC by offering one of its own fagship programmes, Embarrassing

Bodies, as a replacement. Using the original Bake Off team, the BBC’s version is a hit, thanks chiefy to Mel and Sue’s innuendos – mostly unaltered. Success is short-lived, however: lawsuits ensue when a forgetful Mary Berry derides a patient’s medically diagnosed soggy bottom, then sticks a fork in his arm.

July 2018 Now rather enjoying the feud, Channel 4 maddens the BBC further by hiring Richard Hammond and James May as Bake Off presenters, alongside Jeremy Clarkson as sole judge. Thanks to new features – such as having an anonymous helmeted professional baker named The Fig eat cakes as fast as he can each week – Channel 4’s audience share soars, up to the point when Clarkson is fred for punching a contestant who served him a tepid strudel.

February 2019 Still grieving their loss, the public launch a petition demanding the Government claw back Bake Off for the BBC; it gathers more than 60 million signatures. Spotting an opportunity to curry rare favour, Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt implements a ferce temporary sugar tax, forcing Channel 4 to pixelate all images of cakes, biscuits and pastries. Eventually it relinquishes the programme entirely, making Hunt a national hero. Guy Kelly

Channel 4 hires Richard Hammond and James May as Bake Of presenters, with Jeremy Clarkson as sole judge