WHAT HAP­PENED NEXT LOVE IS­LAND

The Daily Telegraph - Telegraph Magazine - - Just Williams -

July 2018

Real­is­ing that sev­eral mil­lion more peo­ple watch Love Is­land than Prime Min­is­ter’s Ques­tions each week, all the ma­jor po­lit­i­cal par­ties have the same thought at once: send an MP into the villa. Boris John­son, Jeremy Cor­byn, Nicola Stur­geon and Ar­lene Fos­ter (above) en­ter for the show’s fi­nal week. John­son strikes up a kin­ship with the boys, shar­ing sto­ries about break­ing long-held prom­ises. Stur­geon colonises only the bal­cony and never leaves. Fos­ter is un­ex­pect­edly wanted by ev­ery hunk in there, and so prices her­self at £1 bil­lion. Cor­byn joins a pool­side dis­cus­sion about Brexit, only to em­bar­rass­ingly ad­mit he has no idea what it’s about ei­ther.

June 2019

With the suc­cess of 2018’s se­ries and its even­tual win­ners – Cor­byn and glam­our model Me­gan, who made an out­ra­geous last-minute play for the Labour leader right un­der the nose of late en­trant Diane Ab­bott – ITV bids to have the next se­ries co­in­cide with the G20 sum­mit. It is mainly meet­ings and Justin Trudeau lift­ing weights, but livens up when Me­la­nia Trump (above) wears a Zara swim­ming cos­tume bear­ing the words, PLEASE, HELP ME ES­CAPE HIM. AND BY HIM I MEAN MY HUS­BAND, DON­ALD TRUMP, AND BY ES­CAPE I MEAN DI­VORCE – a cryptic mes­sage some sug­gest could re­late to her mar­riage.

Septem­ber 2020

When a spe­cial se­ries fea­tur­ing Brexit ne­go­tia­tors from both sides, Love Is­land: I Love EU, fin­ishes with none of the con­tes­tants able to ne­go­ti­ate deep and spe­cial re­la­tion­ships, the pro­gramme en­ters a stale­mate. Even­tu­ally it goes on for so long that the pub­lic stops watch­ing, pro­duc­ers stop car­ing and even the nar­ra­tor tires of find­ing jokes about ‘ever closer unions’. With the cam­eras switched off, the Is­landers turn feral: they vote to be free of ITV and ex­ist as an in­de­pen­dent pro­gramme. No one cares. — Guy Kelly

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from UK

© PressReader. All rights reserved.