EMILIE IS NOT GIVING UP:
Biscuits. I do not know how many biscuits is too many. Three/four/a packet?
Lying about how much time I spend on Instagram. ‘Of course I was listening. No, I was absolutely not on Instagram while you were talking. I was just texting my mother/emailing an important work contact /writing my will.’
Brushing my teeth 25 times a day. Even though my hygienist has told me to calm down. Makes me feel cleeaaann.
Chips. Steak and chips. Salad and chips. Sushi and chips. Soup and chips. Chips and chips. And no, you cannot share.
Getting more tattoos. Sorry, Mum.
Hope that I will exercise more. It’s always a possibility. Maybe a bicycle or even just a really gentle class. Hell, I’ve been to one yoga class this year, which is already 100 per cent up on last year.
Small print. Yes, I should probably up the font size on my Kindle. And make the text on my phone bigger so I can see better/something. But I will not be defeated.
Worrying. Maybe one day I will ascend to a higher plane. Until then my worries keep me a) considerate, and b) alive.
Drinking tea. Tea is fine, you say. Better than coffee. Or vodka. But I drink 15 cups a day.
Trying not to drive. Not to reverse, or parallel park. Avoiding underground car parks, dodging motorways. Pretending I like walking/trains/the rain to avoid manning a vehicle. Driving is scary.
I’m Absolutely Fine! A Manual For Imperfect Women, by The Midults, is out now (Cassell, £16.99); themidult.com