Beauty bi­ble

Celia Walden is not caught nap­ping

The Daily Telegraph - Telegraph Magazine - - News - Celia Walden

SOME OF THE things I think about when try­ing and fail­ing to sleep are: ‘LED light bulbs – are they bet­ter and longer-last­ing than CFL? What does CFL stand for?’ ‘That ex from my early 20s, the one with the slightly over­lap­ping front teeth: who did he end up mar­ry­ing? Course Mum al­ways thought he was gay.’ ‘Why bother hav­ing a car alarm if you’re go­ing to let it ring, ring, ring? Hang on – is that my car alarm?’

I don’t know when sleep­ing be­came so damn hard – when I stopped blithely slip­ping into it. But I do know I should have ap­pre­ci­ated those thou­sands of nights’ ef­fort­less slum­ber more than I did. And I’m painfully aware of the phys­i­cal ram­i­fi­ca­tions of all this non­sleep. For­get the brain rot, it’s the rest I worry about: the de­hy­drated skin with its lower ph lev­els (some­how re­spon­si­ble for both drier and se­bum-tas­tic spotty skin – I mean, pick one, right?). There’s the hair loss lack of sleep causes and, of course, the de­creased lep­tin lev­els that make you more likely to overeat and turn into an over­weight, semi-bald once-young per­son with both parched, crêpey skin and teenage acne.

In the ther­a­peu­tic world, this kind of wildly de­featist thought process is known as ‘spi­ralling’. The an­ti­dote, they say, is to in­stall a ‘de­fence sys­tem’ for each of the prob­lems you’re ob­sess­ing about. Which I have done by sourc­ing the best ‘while you weren’t sleep­ing’ beauty fixes. So that even if you wake up cere­brally and hor­mon­ally im­paired, at least you’ll be look­ing your best.

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