WHAT HAPPENED NEXT KANYE WEST

February 2019

In the second half of his presidency, Donald Trump’s widely reported bromance with Kanye West continues to escalate. The President rewards the rapper for refusing to remove his Make America Great Again cap (even to shower) by wearing West’s Adidas Yeezy Boost trainers, two dozen thick gold chains around his neck and skin-tight leather leggings everywhere he goes. He then shaves his head, changes his name to Dreezy-t, appoints West as his Secretary of State for See, We Can’t Be Racist and begins the process of formal adoption. ‘Kanye is now part of this iconic family brand, he’s the third son I’ve always wanted,’ Trump announces, ignoring Barron.

March 2020

Before the 2020 election, Trump allows West to headline campaign rallies, happily taking the role of warm-up man. To impress his new eldest child, he tries a self-penned rap at one event in Mississippi, while Jared Kushner, dressed as Ali G, scratches at a turntable. ‘Yo, it’s Kanye West, he’s the best / He’s a hell of a Trump, have you seen his wife’s rump? / Word to your mom, I came to drop bombs / I’ve got more rhymes than Hillary’s got deleted emails / Now, just to avoid confusion, there was no collusion.’

November 2020

The Trump-west pairing is favourite to win, but on the eve of the election a trove of private tapes, incriminating documents and compromising photographs of the President is mysteriously leaked to the media, and Trump is arrested. ‘We will find whoever did this! It definitely wasn’t Kanye because I trust him, but I suspect that child,’ Trump says, gesturing at Barron. At that moment, West throws his cap in the bin, and moves to stand with Democratic nominee Bernie Sanders.