The Daily Telegraph - Telegraph Magazine - - Just Williams - — Guy Kelly

De­cem­ber 2018 Af­ter get­ting away with us­ing a per­sonal email ad­dress, ‘dad­dys­lit­tle trum­[email protected] com’, to con­duct state busi­ness, Ivanka Trump won­ders what, fi­nally, will get her fired from her fa­ther’s ad­min­is­tra­tion. ‘I thought sell­ing my hand­bags in the White House gift shop would do it… Honey, it’s time for Op­er­a­tion Melt­down,’ she tells Jared Kush­ner. They un­plug all the TVS and change the Pres­i­dent’s Twit­ter pass­word to some­thing he won’t un­der­stand (the same word but spelt cor­rectly). Apoplec­tic, Trump ban­ishes them. March 2019 With Ivanka in hid­ing, White House staff search for a con­vinc­ing stand-in. Trump’s wish­list – Mar­got Rob­bie, Jen­nifer Lawrence and Am­ber Heard – turn the part down. The last re­sort is to put Eric Trump in a blonde wig and pen­cil skirt. ‘Sir, do you hon­estly think we don’t re­alise who that is? His wig is the wrong way round,’ a re­porter tells the Pres­i­dent. ‘Eric!’ Trump hisses, snatch­ing the hair­piece. ‘You know that’s one of mine!’ Septem­ber 2020 As cam­paign­ing for the next elec­tion ramps up, Trump or­ders the Se­cret Ser­vice to fetch Ivanka back from her locked com­pound un­der­neath Mar-a-lago. They find the place aban­doned, with, ‘I’ll get you back, Papa,’ scrawled on the wall in Ivanka Trump Repub­li­can Red Lip­stick ($164.99). Ivanka then sud­denly reap­pears as a Demo­cratic pres­i­den­tial can­di­date. Her slo­gan? ‘Only a Trump can beat a Trump.’

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