WHAT HAPPENED NEXT I’M A CELEBRITY…
As the 18th series of I’m a Celebrity is such a success, producers go straight to a 19th without missing a week. They recruit Meghan Markle, Theresa May, Gareth Southgate, Yulia Skripal, Anjem Choudary, Dani Dyer and Richard Madden to take part. Southgate – clad in a waistcoat he fashioned from vine leaves – is seen explaining to May what she should do if she ever has to renegotiate on Brexit. ‘Look, I know how to win when nobody expects anything of you. All you need is a centre forward with a 1940s haircut, inexplicable success rate and funny way of talking. Then make him captain,’ he says. May snaps, ‘Please leave Jacob Rees-mogg out of this.’
The show should have been over by Christmas, but May, still clinging on as PM, refuses to return to Westminster, insisting the jungle is not nearly as tribal and contains fewer chances of being eaten alive. All Cabinet colleagues end up having to go to her once a week for meetings, as does the entire House of Commons for PMQS, and Philip May to square up the chores. By spring, it is her new official residence.
Since May was due to host the G20 summit in London, the leaders of all the world’s major economies are forced to sign up to I’m a Celebrity to join her. Some take to it better than others – Justin Trudeau conducts all meetings shirtless and in the jungle shower (much to Vladimir Putin’s annoyance), Emmanuel Macron relishes the eating challenges (literally, by bringing an extensive collection of French relishes) and Donald Trump spends his first 16 days asking for the non-existent Wi-fi code. By the final, the public has voted everybody out bar Trump and Putin, at which point, by universal agreement, producers quietly stop filming, seal off the camp, chuck a load more snakes in and wait for their Nobel Peace Prizes.