Wildlife

Never mind trade, bor­ders and back­stops – what’s re­ally im­por­tant is Brexit’s fash­ion im­pact

The Daily Telegraph - Telegraph Magazine - - Contents -

Brexit’s fash­ion faux pas

Week­end ca­sual

1. ‘What do I do after a long week run­ning rings around Mon­sieur Euro­crat? On with the old SAS knap­sack, undo that top but­ton, then up the near­est moun­tain. The only prob­lem is get­ting back home. Be­cause DAVID DAVIS NEVER CLIMBS DOWN.’

2. Noth­ing says ‘bad boy of Brexit’ like dress­ing as a dodgy auc­tion­eer from an episode of Love­joy, eh Nigel?

3. An­drea Lead­som in a navy-blue cricket jumper and tou­sled about-to-re­sign­from-the-cab­i­net hairdo, ac­ces­sorised with a com­bine har­vester. It all says ‘I’ve taken back con­trol – have you?’ But, you know, in a cud­dly way.

The specs fac­tor

4. Sabine Weyand, deputy Brexit ne­go­tia­tor for the EU, back­stop bull­dog. Would you at­tempt to slip a Malt­house Com­pro­mise past those horn-rims?

5. Guy Ver­hof­s­tadt, Euro­pean Par­lia­ment’s chief Brexit co­or­di­na­tor, at­tempts to screw with our tiny Bri­tish minds by chan­nelling Deirdre Barlow.

6. Up against these op­po­nents of true vi­sion, Oliver Rob­bins, the UK’S chief Brexit ne­go­tia­tor, stood lit­tle chance. Shouldn’t have gone to Spec­savers, Olly.

May-day sig­nals

7. ‘Don’t like this coat? Don’t worry, I’m wear­ing an­other, dif­fer­ent coat be­neath this one that you’ll LOVE. But ac­tu­ally they’re still the same coat…’ Ev­ery­thing you ever needed to know about Theresa May’s Brexit strat­egy. In a coat.

8. The big­ger the ruck, the big­ger the rocks on Theresa’s neck­lace – for the sec­ond ‘mean­ing­ful vote’, out came the gi­ant magic beans. She lost the ruck.

9. Hat, check. Bag, check. Won­der Woman power bracelet, check. Who did Theresa ex­pect to bump into at the Com­mon­wealth Day ser­vices? For the wise and the sane, the runes of Brexit fash­ion are not to be pored over at length. But for the rest of us – and, frankly, in the ab­sence of much else that looks the teen­si­est bit fun in the to and fro be­tween the EU 27 and the UK 1 – it is a lu­nacy worth in­dulging. (By the way, in the course of re­search for this page we did ac­tu­ally get to see a pic­ture of At­tor­ney Gen­eral Ge­of­frey Cox’s cod­piece. Which is pre­cisely why we’re not pub­lish­ing that pic­ture.) — Mike Hig­gins

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